If your decisions include regret, then it's already too late

i love winter

All I want is a place to call my own

amazing band

Let’s leave no words unspoken

im walking around indigo, trying to waste time when all of a sudden, my mind gets blown:
THERE IS A 13TH BOOK OF THE SERIES OF UNFORUNATE EVENTS
holy fuck!
so of course i bought it:)

homesick

hands down, no debate about it, boy meets world is one of the best shows ever created

there are things that I've seen I don't believe

Someone said to me once, that it would be worse if the mom were to die, instead of the dad.
I think they can go fuck themselves. 

My dad was a big part of my life. Even though he was a father, a man, doesn't mean he wasn't capable of being the "nurturer".. or like a mother figure.. which i guess is why some people think that losing a mom would be worse. My dad had so much compassion, love and care for people.
I don't think its right, to base whether a loss is worse or not, based on the gender of the person.
What matters, is how much that person meant to the people they love and who loved them.

I miss my dad all the time and i think about him constantly. Not a day goes by where i don't think about him, or the day he passed away, the days leading up to it, everything.
Last night i broke down at work , i couldn't help it. i guess i had to let it out.. at least some fraction of what im feeling.

I feel like I'm stuck and i don't know where to go, or what to do.

its been 365 days, a whole year.
r.i.p

the catalyst

331 days
It's been almost a year and yet I still cant bring myself to accept it.
I dont want to, and more to the point, I refuse to.

white nosie

"As far as Im concerned, Shaw was a punk. 'Cause you know what? Tragedies happen. What are you gonna do, give up? Quit? No, I realize now that when your heart breaks, you got to fight like hell to make sure your still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you, that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for."
                                   - One Tree Hill

a multitude of casualties

Life is interesting.
It can be a bitch, or the sweetest thing ever.
It has its ups and downs.
It can be amazing one day and absolutly shit the next.
Its short and long.
Its scary and exciting.
Most of all, its unpredictable.

Even the psychics cant tell you how to get to where you will supposadly be in 20 years.

may angels lead you in

something ive just realised, a few of my posts start off talking about one thought and end in another.

clearly my writings all over the place, just like my mind and my thoughts.

if its love

Soul mates
Do they exist?
Personally I don't believe so.
In my opinion, soul mates don't exist, but I do believe that there are those who are perfect for other people. If there are people we don't get along with, or hate or just cant stand, than there can be people who completely fit perfectly to who you are, and in a way, make you whole.

There are approximately 6,697,254,041 people in the world, so how can it be possible that out of those some 6 billion people, there is only one person out there for you? What if you never find them? Does that mean you re fucked? No. Just means you need to look harder.
 If I were to leave, and move to Australia, most likely, ill find someone and possibly fall in love with them. If I go to japan, same thing. But I do believe in fate and destiny and I dont think that when u go out in search of love, youll be succesfull (of course there are exceptions though). If things happen,  its becuase they were supposed to happen. I was meant to be born in canada. I was meant to be born 10 years after my parents got married. Is it coincidence that the day I text my friend (who I havnt talked to in a while) is the day hes leaving for possibly ever, and I had no idea when he was meant to leave?
 No way in hell.
If you get hurt by someone, it was meant to happen. Who knows why, but maybe its becuase it helps you grow.

Those are just my opinions. That doesnt make them right, but for me they work.

an attempt to tip the scales

im finding it increasingly harder to stay patient

believe me, im lying

you say you dont want to add stress for me
clearly you dont think what you do and say affects me than

the game you dont want to play

" shoot all the bluejays you want,

if you can hit em,

but remember

it's a sin to kill a mokingbird."

- to kill a mokingbird

run like hell

burn it to the ground

its been 263 days since ive heard your voice
or felt your hugs

its not fair

that  some people have to go through life trying so hard to get ahead or to over come something or many things, only to be crushed by something greater.
But they keep going and trying to move forward.
Only some people  end up moving past it though. why only some?
i dont get it.

hanging on by a thread

Love is fragile. And we're not always its best caretakers. We just muddle through and do the best we can. And hope this fragile thing survives against all odds.
-The last song

lets go all the way tonight, no regrets

we need to suffer to grow, in my opinion
unfortunately theirs those whose lives are just shit, now that isn't fair.
everyone has their flaws
some have more flaws than othersbut theirs always that one person (or more) who will always love you, irregardless of your flaws,
they accept you for who you are
granted they might disagree with maybe everything you believe in.
But in the end, if u need someone their to talk to, or to just know someones their to listen, their there
i love that the world isn't perfect.
imagine how boring a perfect world would be?
But than it wouldn't be perfect.
i don't think that nothing is impossible.
I do think that the exception to that rule, is that a perfect world is impossible.
there are many palces in the world that is fucked up, with many fucked up people in it, but not every where.

i love that people have flaws.
it may sound weird but think about it.
it shows that their human and real
and face it, a lot of things that u may not like about someone, are also things youou may like about that person.
it could be things that, when their gone, you miss.
or when someone else does it, its just not the same.

we can dance, until we die

i need to clean my room
i need to get exersize
i need to eat healthier
i need to finish reading the books ive been trying to read for ages
i want to go for a run at 4 in the morning
i want to go on a trip again
i want to reconnect with some people
i want to learn how to dance
i want to learn how to play acoustic guitar
:)

pedestrians is another word for speedbump

i wonder what people think when they see me.
Whether it be a stranger or someone I'm really close with.
I always wonder what their thinking of.
Or when i see someone listening to music, i always wonder what kind of music they like, what song their listening to. Do i know it? Would i like it? Maybe id hate it.
You can never really judge based on what someone looks like. An emo looking kid could like Justin beieber, or miley cyrus. It's possible.

maria (i like it loud)

teenage dream reminds me of the cottage weekend.
maybe it was cuz we heard it a million times durring the trip, maybe its because theres just something about the song, the beat, the lyrics, that just reminds me of all the awsome times.
SUCH a good weekend!!
we need to go back again.
now wenever i look at the time and see 1am i think of what wed probably be doing. maybe watching a not so scary "Scary" movie, or maybe at the peir.
love you girls<3

as we watch our dreams turn into dust

people are like icebergs,
they only show 10% of who they really are.
- If you really knew me

Well keep this short and sweet so I'll get to the point

push it

Watch what you say on the stand. You're running in circles.
I know more than you think and your words are empty.

break away from everybody

The popsicle was invented by an 11 year old boy, accidently.
He didnt introduce it though until years later.
Just saying, good going to that kid: )

im gona burn it down

i miss the days when your only worry was being home by the time the streetlights came on

screaming down the halls

With a thousand lies
And a good disguise
Hit ‘em right between the eyes
Hit ‘em right between the eyes
When you walk away
Nothing more to say
See the lightning in your eyes
See ‘em running for their lives

Slowly out of line
And drifting closer in your sights
So play it out I’m wide awake
It’s a scene about me
There’s something in your way
And now someone is gonna pay
And if you can’t get what you want
Well it’s all because of me

Now dance, f**ker, dance
Man, I never had a chance
And no one even knew
It was really only you
And now you’ll lead the way
Show the light of day
Nice work you did
You’re gonna go far, kid
Trust, deceived

show me how to lie, you're geting better all the time

http://www.humanistsofutah.org/2002/WhyCantIOwnACanadian_10-02.html

this has to be fake

so heres to a better year

It's the fate that took over, it controls you both

I thought growing up was something that happened automatically as you got older. But it turns out it's something you have to choose to do.
 ~ Scrubs

Here we go again, it's so insane

Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts.
 ~Charles Dickens

right now there's a steel knife in my windpipe

well that really sucks.
can you say not fair? yupp.
but i guess its for the better.

some say its ignorance, it makes me feel so innocent

i really wish you could be here.                physically
the reality is, it will never happen.
but the hope never dies.

when we reach the top well watch you bury yourself

if life was easy where would all the adventures be?

just hold your breath

Lets drop everything
And not come back ‘til next fall

Driving around with your friends in your parents car.
We’re the ones who made it out
Looking back on what we’ve done this year

It was the best times
It was the worst times
But we built something here

I’m coming home for the bright lights and the long nights

 im guilty of doing that.

Kindve an example: when im doing a test or somethin, and insist that the answer couldnt possably be 2 (for example) because thats way to obvious, and i know a lot of other people do this to.

why do we do this though?

why do we not have enough confidence in ourselves to believe that we are right?

Lets drop everything and not come back ‘til next fall

i really wanna learn how to play the guitar
i think im gona start to save up to buy myself one and go for lessons to

Can you hear me?

i wish you were here

false pretense

so prom...
what a night.. deffinitly one of the longest nights of my life and at the same time, it seems like it went by so fast.
Friday night was deffinitly in the top 5 worst nights of my life though.
That saying that nothing worse could happen clearly proved wrong that night. One thing after another kept fucking up. In the long run, in 10 years maybe, the story will be funny, but nows too soon. I cant understand how a night could be so fucked up.
Dont get me wrong, the beggining was fun, getting ready, taking pictures, in the limo on the way to prom was deffinitly a good time, and at the end, and next day was great but theres a huge gap between than when, for the most part, prom seemd pointless and a waste of time.  I wish i could go back and change it. I know prom is hyped up and stuff but i mean, none of us deserved that shitty of a night.
At least we have a story.

second go

Hey boys, look where we are
This town ain't big enough for the both of us
So get ready to run
This all goes to show
just how little you really know
About the way that we are

I notice everything
Like every single rumor
That you spread today
You're never gonna change
Let's set this record straight
I know all your dirty secrets
That you kept from me
This conversation's over

Watch your step
This town can chew you up
And spit you out
So pardon me but you shouldn't be so proud
Watch your step
This town can chew you up
And spit you out
So pardon me but you shouldn't be so proud

You're all the same
You think that everyone around you cares about what you think
No one knows your name
It's about that time
take everyone you know and get as far across my states line
as you possibly can

I notice everything
Like every single rumor
That you spread today
You're never gonna change
Let's set this record straight
I know all your dirty secrets
That you kept from me
This conversation's over

Watch your step
This town can chew you up
And spit you out
So pardon me but you shouldn't be so proud
Will they miss me when I'm gone?
Will this time be for too long?
Wait till then
And see if time brings change
Will they miss me when I'm gone?
Will this time be for too long?
Wait till then
And see if time brings change

(Watch your step)
This town can chew you up
And spit you out
So pardon me but you shouldn't be so proud

Wait till then and see if time brings change

I absolutely love this picture of my dad. It was taken 2-3 years ago at my aunts house; some of the family was over for Christmas.

My dad was telling my cousin Scott( the guy with his hand over his mouth) and probably those around him a story, I don't remember what it was though.

My dad always had a way of telling stories really well and he spoke with such dignity and grace. I'm assuming by the look on my cousins face that this story was funny.

There are two reasons I love this picture so much:

1) my dad looks healthy and happy

2) It captures two qualities of his perfectly; an awesome story teller, and his ability to make people laugh.

p.s note the little Santa pin on his jacket ( my dads favourite holiday was Christmas)

pardon me but you shouldn't be so proud

i hate that i cry more easily now

im not saying that if someone yells at me ill break down, but if i watch a stupid little movie, ill cry at the smallest things

wtf

this conversation's over

This all goes to show just how little you really know about the way that we are

im so full of anger and for many reasons
i keep it in and i took some of it out on you
im sorry

Where do you draw the line?

so i find it incredably unfair that i have to come home, only to find you in the state that youre in. i wish this only happend a few times, but its becoming almost a regular occurance that it doesnt suprise me anymore, and thats sad.
i shouldnt have to be the one telling you to go to sleep, it should be the other way around.
ill do anything for you and i love you with all my heart but your actions are not justifiable. i dont think you realize how inconsiderate and selfish they are. they dont just inpact you, its me to. i obviously understant that youre in pain, but this shouldnt be the way to handle it.
i know i should say something but i shouldnt have to, you should know that what your doing is wrong.
this may sound bitchy and selfish on my part but i dont want to have to deal with a parent who needs their child to not only tell but force them to go to bed.

a deathgrip on yesterday

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now

our sick story

imagine what we could accomplish if we didn't need to sleep

suck out the poison

Apparently time heals everything, which in a sense I guess is true, depending.
Time can also make things worse.
It's been 5 months, 152 days (almost 153 days) that I haven't seen my dad or talked to him, and that time line will only get longer. He is never coming back, I will never see him again.
As much as I've accepted this, I still haven't, at all, if that makes any sense.
Each day is one more that I haven't been able to talk to him. That's really all I want to do.
I keep imagining when I use to sit on the island, in the kitchen, and tell him about my week, while he was cooking something.
I wish I could say the pain has gone away but it hasn't; meanwhile, I still feel numb.

I should consider myself lucky i guess, in some peoples eyes, because i got to say bye, i got to tell him how i feel, i had to time accept his inevitable death, that he wasn't sick for that long, some people have to deal with it for years. All of that is true.

What those people don't understand though is that he had been sick for years with other health problems and i found out he had cancer, some 2-3 months before he passed. 2-3 months isn't enough time to accept that your parent will die, and it didn't help that i denied it. i refused to believe that my dad would die. He knew something was wrong probably 2 or so months before he told me, but the cancer had probably been there for a bout a year.

Yes i did get to tell him how i felt and I'm very grateful for that and I'm glad that i was there when he passed but at the same time, i was there when he died. i saw my dad die,and it wasn't like he just closed his eyes. It was the scariest 5 minutes of my life.

Also, when he was sick, he wasn't the same dad i knew 6 months earlier. He was weak, thin, exhausted, heavily medicated, in severe pain, not the same. I still loved him unconditionally, obviously, but imagine watching someone you love so much deteriorate. imagine watching them go through so much pain, and you know you cant do anything for them except let them know you're there and would do anything for them, to make it easier.

He did so much so that he could be here for me and in the end, he still ended up dieing too early.
its for that reason that i question God, but i know i shouldn't.

I know i should accept his death, but i don't want to. is it wrong to not want to move on?
I'm scared that ill slowly stop thinking about him, once a day can turn into a few times a week, few times a month..
I don't want that to be me.
its unbelievable how much i want to say but i can never get it all out, there's always something more.
Will i ever be in a good mood again, or a great one? Genuinely i mean..

I miss you, I love you.
153 days.

dark horse

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
-Mark Twain

All generalizations are false, including this one.
-Mark Twain

revolutions per minute

Man is the only animal who enjoys the consolation of believing in a next life;
all other animals enjoy the consolation of not worrying about it.
-Robert Brault

lies for the liars

When the pain is great enough, we will let anyone be a doctor.
-Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotics Notebook, 1960

scream

Have you ever had so much to say
that your mouth closed up tight,
struggling to harness the nuclear force
coalescing within your words?

Have you ever
had so many thoughts
churning inside that you didn't
dare let them escape,
in case they blew you wide open?

Have you ever
been so angry that you
couldn't look in the mirror
for fear of finding the face of evil glaring back at you?
-Crank

fallen leaves

5 months
152 days

leave out all the rest

-there's a movie on TV behind me, that's been playing for about 25 minutes, and i have no idea what it is because i haven't bothered to just get up and find out
-i have a data test tomorrow which i should really study for, but i cant concentrate. " its funny what seems interesting when you're procrastinating"- tom kowalski
- in history class on Friday, i discovered that typing tutor is just as boring as it was in grade 9, career cruiser or whatever said i should become many things, varying from daredevil to chimney sweep, also there's an application on the computers at school to find planets and moons and give exact longitude and latitude of places.
-i think ill "work out", maybe run up and down the stairs..
-I'm paranoid about getting my tattoo ruined; taking showers is a mission.
-i woke up at 9 am today to do laundry, so that i could beat the rush
- besides the times wen i was out doing laundry, i stayed in bed today for about 20 hours, from 1:30am to 8:30 pm.
- exhaustion sucks when no amount of sleep seems to work.
- I'm kinda curious to find out what that movie is
-today i found out that there's a teletoon on demand channel; i spent about 3 hours watching 6teen over and over again.
-the curtains in my room haven't been open since November, except for once, but it was necessary.
-i wonder if they'll ever make a modern version of the wizard of oz.
-a year ago, this week id be leaving for new york.
- i was so worried about not waking up early enough for that trip that i had 3 nightmares about it.
- prom dress shopping on Sunday and I'm not as excited as i probably should be.
-late night tonight, for sure.
-and now im gona go run up and down some stairs.

ready, set, go

i really hope that you're okay, and you dont do anything.
that night was deffinitly scary, and shocking.
thank you for opening up though, just hope i helped.

alive or just breathing

fucking amazing concert
 a day to remember is incredible live:)

sirens

thursday, april 22:)

bridge to nowhere

I think I'm drowning
asphyxiating

you're something beautiful
a contradiction

bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

our time is running out
and our time is running out
you can't push it underground
we can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom
but I'm restricted

As your castles crumble slowly we watch them fall

Don't climb for a lifetime only to fall short of infinity
Everything is left.
With faith, some minds are sand;
But i prefer concrete.
This is what is going to separate us from them.
Time for the next chapter
Keep this on your mind.
Keep it within your eyelids.

We don’t disappear just because your eyes are shut

21 days to get into a habit
lets not loaft on this one

this is gona sound like a bad joke

are we still friends?

And now I don't believe In having faith in nothing

It started out with a kiss

How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss


And I just can’t look its killing me

And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

Why do things that matter the most never end up being what we chose

i have never felt so much jelousy towards so many people for so long.

please erase my dreams

seriously have to stop loafting on making this appoitnment
but...
virtus or animus?
im thinking virtus

walk with me in hell

wow, thats pathetic.
whatever supposed feelings i may have had for you were completly detroyed after i heard all of that.
honestly, grow up and realise that not everything is about you and alcohol.

over my head

I've been in a bad mood for a while.
By a while, I dont mean a few days, or weeks, but months, months and months and months.
A few weeks ago I almost lost it, becasue I hold back how I feel, like when all I want to do is scream or cry( you know when you dont let your emotions take control of you, and one day you just blow up? Yeah..)
After fourth period, I ran into someone Im friends with, and figured would be there for me, so when they asked me how I was, I immediatly started tearing up; they didnt even try and comfort me. It flet like a slap in the face, and pretty much shut me up.
Needless to stay, I didnt bother talking about it with anyone else.

louder than thunder

When I get my own place eventualy, I want to get a bunch of book cases and fill them completly with books, both old and new.
Theres something comforting about books.

the fall of ideals

what i say, i dont want to believe

sol·i·tude   

–noun
1.the state of being or living alone; seclusion: to enjoy one's solitude.
2.remoteness from habitations, as of a place; absence of human activity: the solitude of the mountains.
3.a lonely, unfrequented place: a solitude in the mountains

pain is the only thing i fear, scars are the only thing i see

you threw the spark that lit the candle

how fucking creepy is this?

honestly, it scares the shit out of me.

home for a rest

So get ready to run

it amazes me how lucky some people are,
and how unlucky others can be

Read between the lines.
As walls fall down (louder than thunder) if it means alot to you, in the end.

tears dont fall

The night is full of holes
As bullets rip the sky
Of ink with gold
They twinkle as the
Boys play rock and roll
They know they can’t dance
At least they know

you fucked our trust

I'm so ugly, but that's okay, 'cause so are you ...

We've broken our mirrors
Sunday morning is everyday for all I care ...
And I'm not scared
Light my candles, in a daze
'Cause I've found god

we couldnt wait to get outside the world

I did not want you to join this culture.

So how can you be so proud?
Pray to the heavens, with whatever it takes.

oh it's what you do to me

tell me how it feels
to watch the walls of your security crumble
i remember you
you took the easy way out when i gave you something to stand for

the words that we have chosen

read between the lines
we can't give in this time
just let me go for now i'll be just fine

you should know your faith by now

iuno what to do..
fuck

faithless

so as of last friday, my house was sold.
they moved in and everything.
now if i wanna go, i have to knock..
that house is no longer mine.
did a last clean out, last sunday.
needless to say the new owners will be walking into their new master bedroom with an irish poem written on their wall.
jeanne gave her key back.. fuck that though. im still keeping mine, even though it wouldnt work.
I cant believe its done though, two months ago i was clearing shit out of the basment with my cousins, and now its currently occupied with a younger couple.

patterns of a horizon

i didnt think it was possible to ever miss someone so much.

paper wings

work on monday is soooo pointless but probably the best since i actualy get to talk to the people i work with, more so than i normally would

deny everything you know

break wasnt bad at all. the begining was probably the best, especially sunday night/monday.
downtown oakville(L)
but school.. fuck it?

pain for pleasure

it amazes me the amount of shit that i can get away with, comapred to so many people i know.
so many parents would kill their kids for not comming home one night( well more like many nights) and only leaving a voicemail to let them know, not to mention on a school night. than again, i can almost guarantee that my mom wouldnt notice i was gone, if i didnt leave a voicemail, because she leaves for work before i even wake up on most days and she doesnt come into my room at all.

Than again, most parents dont forget that their kids arent home, and will be comming home that night, and lock them out.

you were there for everything

I feel like a broken record, so I dont talk about it.
That doesnt mean the pain isn't there.

sailing in the dark

106 days

this songs for you

52 years ago today, you were born.
51 years later, you died.

Happy-would be- birthday daddy

I love you and I miss you<3

For once your web of lies is in the open

i hate those words that trigger a painful memory.
 words that come up everyday, more than once and theres nothing you can do to avoid them

there's nowhere left to run

It disgusts me that in 9/10 years there's been no improvement

i'm on the edge of the rooftop thinking nobody will ever know

94 days

 its getting harder

speak of the devil

Last night
holy shit
amazing
fucking incredible
the energy I was around, you couldnt help but cheer
Its amazing hoq quickly moods can change within a second.
I was at work, needless to say, and seeing as its kindve a sports bar-ish vibe the game was all over on every tv.
After the game was over, i think the national anthem was sung about 3 times
Hugs and high fives went around like everyone knew eachother.
People cam say all they want about how it was pathetic and bad how they let a goal in in the last 30 or something seconds but it only made the game more interesting, and we still won and it was still a great game.
I Love being Canadian:)

heartless

canada!<3


and guess who got the job.. :)

try honesty

Cmon Canada..

paper planes

so..job?
90% sure I have it.
I hate that I dont wanna get excited for something I'm not even completly sure I have, because I dont wanna jinx it.
I guess I'll find out teusday
(yn)

you were my everything and i really miss you

yay g1:)
finally

all because of you, i believe in angels

g1 tomorrow..?
(yn)

Hey darling, I hope you're good tonight

It doesnt feel like it's been 82 days.
Should i be satrting to accept it?
Highly doubt that.
My denial is increasing, if anything.

Go tell them it's not as simple as you think

82 days

You can't trust everyone you meet

Wow, low blow.
That really wasnt justifiable, it's pathetic.

I hope you come to your senses and I hope you two work things out.
You two have such a history and it would be a shame to see it fall apart. Your friendship is genuine and one of a kind.
I hope it gets better, for both of you.

his last walk

How long has it been since someone touched part of you other than your body?

-Laurel Hoodwrit

Don't forget yourselves we've made up our minds

You cannot step into the same river twice. -Heraclitus, in Diogenes Laertius, Lives

You'll find me in the same spot believe me I could never stop

There's more to the truth than just the facts.- Unknown

Where do you draw the line?

We are more often treacherous through weakness than through calculation.

-Francois De La Rochefoucauld

swollen members

an angel of mercy

Does anyone know the movie Ever After?
When I was little I absolutley loved that movie. I watched it over and over again and never got tired of it.
It's on right now and, of course, Im watching it. Memories flood my brain, and I remember why I loved it so much.

story of the year

I had a dream last night that my dad was still alive. He was sick but he was still alive, and he could do things, he wasnt bed ridden.

When i woke up I thought he was still alive.
When i finally realised that he wasnt, it was as if 10,000 knives had stabbed me all over. Like 10 people were all beating the shit out of me. Thats the best way i can describe it,how it felt, but it doesnt do it justice.

another nail for your coffin

we watch the city fucking bleed
and bring the world to its knees

the little things give you away

I know I've got a face in me
Points out all my mistakes to me
You've got a face on the inside too and
Your paranoia's probably worse
I don't know what set me off first
But I know what I can't stand
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is
I can't add up to what you can but

Everybody has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time they lie
A face that laughs every time they fall

it goes on

It's bugging me
Grating me
And twisting me around
Yeah I'm endlessly
Caving in
And turning inside out

the price we pay

For bitterness inside
Is growing like the new born
When you've seen, seen too much
Too young, young
Soulless is everywhere
Hopeless time to roam
The distance to your home
Fades away to nowhere
How much are you worth?
You can't come down to earth
You're swelling up
You're unstoppable
'Cause you've seen
Seen too much
And too young, young

Soulless is everywhere
Destroy the spineless
Show me it's real
Wasting our last chance
To come away
Just break a silence
'Cause i'm drifting away
Away from you

edge of the world

I dont know what happend, but i hope to God that everything gets better.
I hate seeing you go through this.

tip the scales

This isnt something that can be fixed with some duck tape and glue.
It cant be mended with a cast or surgery.

In order to get better you need to help yourself and allow yourself to want to get better.

the truth is hiding in your eyes

What the fuck do you do for someone who doesnt even seem to want to help themselves..?

youre clouding up my mind

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.

These are the things I learned:
-Share everything.
-Play fair.
-Don't hit people.
-Put things back where you found them.
-Clean up your own mess.
-Don't take things that aren't yours.
-Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
-Wash your hands before you eat.
-Flush.
-Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
-Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
-Take a nap every afternoon.
-When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
-Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
-Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
-And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.

And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

-Robert Fulghum

Dark clouds eclipse the sun won't shine again

I feel selfish, like I think too much about myself, and not even in a conceited way, not in a good way at all.
Not that being conceited is good.

I think I just have to move on, but I dont know how.

Fuck, I say "I" too much.

The cold wind blows right through my bones

I found a post that I wrote, a little less than a year ago about my dad.
It still holds true, only the part about it getting better, well it did to an extent but the outcome wasnt so great.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Hold your breath and count to four, Pinky swears don't work no more

im so proud of you.
everything that you've had to go through
and you're still holding strong.
we had some really hard times and ill never forget them,
there carved into my memory like sketches into rock.
but i have a feeling things will get better
with what you told me on the weekend, it feels like a weights been lifted off my shoulder
one less thing to worry about.
i am really,
truely,
extremly,
proud of you.
i love you.

Black arrows cut the strings of my heart, I kneel and pray

Have you ever been told by someone, something that made you so sad, no words could describe it, and yet so gratefull that your actions or even words were one of the reasons that their still here..?

Because I have.

Have you ever known someone whose been through so much that you can't even begin to explain how amazing they are for being so strong and being such a great person?

Because I do.

I just hope that they know that they still have their whole life ahead of them. Friends and family who love them unconditionally, including me.
They deserve the best and they should'nt have to go through any more suffering.
Sometimes it's good to let your guard down, especialy in this case.
You don't deserve to feel the way you do, and go through what you're going through.
I love you.

Have faith in me

I'm seriously debating taking a few days off of school.
This may seem "weak" and "Stupid" in some peoples eyes but I mean, it's my life, not yours. If I fall behind, which I will, its my grades, not yours. Plus, it's not like im talking about taking a month off; i'd easily be able to catch up during a weekend.
I'm not going to say I dont care about what others think, because who am I kidding saying that? Of course I care, but who would waste their breath talking about me staying home for a couple days anyway? : p

everything i said, i promised

so guess whose writing an essay on which is better, ignorance and happiness or knowledge and unhappiness, for philosophy..? well either that or something about education, which seemed rather boring so..
I'm probably going to choose knowledge, but I still need to think it over.
I dont even know why im thinking about this so much.
I could write an essay on either choice, well anyone could really.

This all goes to show just how little you really know

I always wonder when I see people listening to music, what their listening to.
You really can't tell just from looking at people what they listen to.
Yes you can guess and could be right but not always.

Just like you never know whats truely going on with someone, until you get to know them.

i hope that you'd want to be the one to see the distance from the road

Would you rather be ignorant and happy, or knowledgable and sad?

Personaly, i'm not sure what I would choose, but I think im begining to lean towards ignorant and happy.
Ignorance is'nt necessarily stupidity, so those who would'nt choose being happy over be knowledgable simply because they don't want to be an "idiot", well theres a fine line between being a dumbass, and being ignorant.
An example of ignorance are people who live in villages in some areas of the world that have never been exposed to our society.
Being a dumbass is taking an exam without studying and/or doing it high out of their mind. Im not saying it's not possable to pass without studying, or being high ( I took my careers exam without studying and I passed pretty well, but that was careers, the exam was a joke) but why take the chance?

I just think being genuinley happy seems a lot better than being unhappy.
This is completly subjective however and some people pride themselves on being knowledgable and theres absolutely nothing wrong with that.

If it came down to actualy having to choose, I know I wouldn't be able to decide right than and there.

for all this, theres only one thing you should know

So don't push me,
I've got nothing to lose

you already know what you are

such a pretty picture
your chalk line on the ground
i hope you die

bleed it out

It's sad how you wont learn from your mistakes.
Especialy a mistake with a huge consequence.
Its really stupid actualy.
You should really start thinking about your actions before you do them.
Ill still always be there for you, but you really should use your logic a bit more.

our broken backs, we beg for mercy

so what started off as kindve an iffy party, turned into some kind of awsome jam.
way to go drama?
i think so:)

behind closed doors

I dont want to feel like I have to fucking take care of you,
not now,
not you,
not again.

bone palace ballet

as of tomorrow i am officialy a volunteer at meadowvale community centre
yay!:)
i really need to get my hours and experience.

tears don't fall

The water is warm
But it's sending me shivers
A baby is born
Crying out for attention
Memories fade
Like looking through a fogged mirror
Decisions too
Decisions are made
Decisions are made and not bought
But I thought this wouldn't hurt a lot
I guess not

time to pretend

This may sound like a stupid question, but,
can you inherit personality traits?
...

how did it come to this?

i dont usualy feel like going out, and yet i dont like being home for one simple reason.
its honestly really creepy having him here, and it'll take a very very long time to get use to it.

our time is running out

new cell bitches:)
bout time, and i was really getting annoyed of my old one, it was starting to fuck up and i completly destroyed it anyways.

absolution

sometimes i really wonder

cause you're too late, so kiss your ass goodbye

Maybe there's a God above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
Its a cold and its a broken Hallelujah

automatic

so lucky me, my moms gona give away my cat.. fluffy, whom ive had since i was 6..7.
I absolutley adore this cat, i love ehr so much and i hope to god someone takes her, otherwise shell be put down.
i know it not the.. most interesting thing, to blog bout a pet, but it sucks..
yup.

only good thing bout today is the freedom of the next few days.
No homework.
No stress..
No school
Sleep, sleep, sleep.

four words to choke upon

I know that
It's killing me
And it’s poisoning the best in me
What I see I don’t want to believe
So let me tell you more
About the lies I lead

This is how I’ve chosen to douse the flames
Broken teeth replace blackout memories
Wreckage from the past haunts me,
shakes me to the bone
I know its over but I can’t go home tonight

What if you covered the face of the sun?

I just want to forget and let go
Of all the joy, all of the pain
I took your guilt and placed it into me
And now I kiss it goodbye
Our last dance ended fatall
I just wish I could replace all the memories

Of what makes my blood run cold

I'll paint this red

The following is not meant to sound hypocticle, so dont take it as such.

I heard a thing for womans cancer on the radio yesterday.
To gain awarness and stuff.
Which is great, honestly, cancers a horrible disease and the more awarness the better, but why just womans cancer?
Or just children cancer?
Why not mens or teenage?
I rarely hear arwarness adds for them.
Im not saying this just because of my dad but also because, even before he got sick, i still felt it was kindve unfair to the men and teenagers, who dont get as much attention, if you want to call it that.

The same to people who raise awarness for one specific cancer- ignore my picture -->..
Like breast cancer.
NOTHING against it, i think its amazingly great how much awarness breast cancer gets, and im still all for it, but what about other cancers?
Theres so many more than i ever thought.
I think the amount of cancer awarness should be equal, for every signle cancer.
Yeah thats a lot, but i just dont think its fair that one type gets 70-80% awarness and another gets 30-20%

because there's beauty in the breakdown

61 days

Not a single day has passed where i havnt though of you.
I miss you so much.
Its terrifying knowing you'll never be around.
I fucking hate it.
I hate God for taking you away.
I hate the disease for taking you.
I hate that i feel so fucking lonley.
I cant figure out how you deserved that, how i deserve this, how my family deserves this.
I try so hard to figure everything out and it seems like im not getting any clsoer to the answer.
The only man in the entire world i have ever trusted, actualy no.. more like the only person. Yeah i trust my mother, but i know shed tell her boyfriend or ehr work friends at least something.
The one who knew me in and out, sometimes it seemed more than i knew myself.
My mom thinks she knows me, sometimes she does, but not always.
My friends dont know, not everything.
But you did, and i have no idea how.
I hate how jelous I am.
Of people who still have families, their paretns are still together, no ones died.
I had to go through my parents divorce "alone", because none of my friends knew what it was like; just like they dont know what its like to loose a parent.
You can try all you want to imagine and you may even get close but trust me, its still unimagineable.
Loss is loss and i do know people whove lost someone very very very close to them, and in a way it's the same, but the bond is different. The loss isnt harder, or easier, but different.
Im scared about loosing my mom.
Im jelous of people who get to move on with their lives.
Trust me, it does not take a week to grieve, not a month, 6 months, but years; years and years.
I might never stop grieving, it just might get easier.
Everyone is different.
I may look fine, but im a mess on the inside.
I say im fine, im okay, no im really not.
Its not just stress.
Stress is a joke.
Stress takes up about 10-15% of what im thinking about.
Its not fair.

Take this for what it's worth

I realised while i was waiting to present my monologues in drama today.. yesterday, that i actualy really dont care as much about school as i use to. I still do my work, becasue i think of how my dad would feel if he was here, same with studying.

I looked around and i saw people on the verge of shitting themselves and I felt more of a want to get it over with, not because i was scared out of my mind but because i didnt want to have to put up with it anymore, one less thing to "worry" about.
Before and afterwards, all i heard was "omg im so scared".. all said differently.
I agreed, but inside the fear I had didnt even amount to theirs.
In a way thats good, but at the same time, the not carring part, isnt.

you're writing your tragedy

I heard my dads voice on sunday.
It was the first time i heard it since the night he passed.
No, im not crazy.
No, im not hearing things.
I went to a family friends for dinner, my dad had left them a message on their machine, a few days before he died, thanking them for my gift, and telling them to come by and visit on sunday- he had just moved to the hospice- and they had saved it.

I could hear how tired he was, how much pain he was in, how weak he was, but also how happy he was to be in a place that was as close as it would get to the sense of home, and it was pretty damn close.

numb

Theres something about this book that im completly addicted to.

a static lullaby

Like an Idiot

I took one too.
Things went from
weird to wrose.

I mean, there I was,
snorting crank
with my dad,
my boyfriend,
and his other
girlfriend.

Something majorly
wrong with that picture.
       - Crank

all you did was save my life

i absolutely can not wait until exams are over.
Im so tempted to just take a week off of school and sleep.
Not because im really tired but because when youre asleep, the world is different, and unreal, and most often, easier and funnier (with the exception of nightmares).

tonight, im blinded

Something that really bugs me is when people say that they arent racist, but than they make comments like "that fucking brown person".
Really? If you werent racist (even just slightly) than why did you add the color of their skin to that sentence?
Was it that necessary..?
Or you suddenly dislike all people of that race just because you had a somewhat bad relationship with someone of that race.
Thats like when girls say they hate guys, and that their better off without them and that they'll go off and become a lesbian.
..No.. even if you were to become a lesbian, we would still need them.
Ever heard of humanity?
Yeah that would die if there were no men in the world.
It's stupid and immature.
Don't say that youre one thing and than go around and say something that completly goes against what you just said.
Its hypocritical and makes you a lair.
Just own up to what you are and don't lie about it.

So don't push me, I've got nothing to lose

Today my mom was showing me some things she had set aside, incase i was looking for them.
She brought me to the cabnit, so i could put my gamecube and ps2 there, with the dvd's.
She proceeded to say, "theres your dad"... "I prefer him to be in the corner".. or something along the lines of her basically prefering him to be in the corner.
She was referring to his ashes, of course, and the back corner of the cabnit where they currently are.
The fact that my dad is literaly in 2 boxes, in a corner in a cabnit is so fucked up; and that notion hadnt even occured to me until my mom said those words.
It's also disgusting that there tucked away like that. Might as well be in storage.
I mean, if they were on display or not, id still feel weird, so it doesnt really matter, but still.
Its more respectfull to not keep them in a fucking corner of a cabnit.
Its so fucked up.
All of this, everything.

Don't blink, They won't even miss you at all

"Every few years we disappear, Zoey. All our cells are replaced by others. Not a single bit of me is the same as when I was last in this room. I was someone else when i wrote my name in there, someone healthy."
       -Before I Die

Meet me out past the train tracks I'm leavin' and not coming back

"I'm me and you're you, and all of them out there are them. And we're all so different and equally important."
     - Before I Die

Into the darkness of this shallow place

So guess what i get to keep in my cabnit?
My dads ashes. Oh how lovely...
That is until such time as we get rid of them.
Theres two cases, one containing a smaller portion of ashes and the other, the rest.
The smaller one, ill be taking with me to Ireland, which wont be until probably spring/ summer, MAYBE.
The larger one, i have no fucking clue what will happen.
I want to get them burried, with a headstone and all.
That probably wont be also until the spring/ summer.
Fuck my life.

im thinking of the worst things i could say to you

I dont know how the fuck im gona study for exams.
My minds just not in the right place.

bury me, 5000 fathams deep

I walk your land but don't belong, two million soldiers can't be wrong.
It's no fun but I've been here before
Far from home and I'm fighting your war.
(Not the way I pictured this, I wanted better things)
Some are scared others killing for fun, I shot a mother in front of her son.
(Take this from my consciousness, and please erase my dreams)

Fight for honor, fight for your life.
Pray to god that our side is right.
Even though we won, I still may loose
Until' I make it home to you
I see our mothers filled with tears,
grew up so fast where did those years go?
Memories wont let you cry
unless I don't return tonight.

So many soldiers on the other side, I take their lives so they can't take mine.
(Scared to make it out alive now murder's all I know.)
Nobody tells me all the reasons we're here. I have my weapons so there's nothing to fear.
(Another day, another life, but nothing real to show for)
Watching the death toll rise wondering how I'm alive.

Strangers blood on my hands, I've shot all I can
There are no silent nights, watching your brothers all die
To destroy all their plans with no care for me
No thought of me, no thought of me

Swallowing Razorblades

I would rather see your face in hell
than speak another word of this perfect world
oh
of this perfect world
oh to be buried
Beneath the waves
i said i'd scream before i cried

picture perfect, pathetic

Tear me apart from the inside out
Dead eyes speak in volumes

motion sickness love

Should of been, could of been
Would of been dead
If I didn't get the message
Goin' to my head
I am what I am
Most motherfuckers
Don't give a damn
Aw baby think you can

Hit me you can't hurt me suck my kiss
Kiss me please pervert me stick with this
Is she talking dirty
Give to me sweet sacred bliss
Your mouth was made to suck my kiss

a distorted conception of the truth

Pay your surgeon very well
To break the spell of aging
Celebrity skin is this your chin
Or is that war your waging
First born unicorn
Hard core soft porn
Dream of Californication

and all i saw was a false sense of reality

How does it feel when tears freeze,
When you cry?
The blood in your veins is twenty below.

Sitting in this room playing Russian roulette,
Finger on the trigger to my dear Juliet,
Out from the window see her back drop silhouette,
This blood on my hands is something I cannot forget,

burn it to the ground

So on Friday, were doing the last clean out of my dads house.
After that it'll almost be ready to be sold.
It's a serious project to get it cleaned up and i dont know who would be willing to buy it but it needs to be sold as soon as possable, so im told.

Towards November and after November 28th, i didn't look forward to going to his house, my home.
This is because so much had been done to it.
It had been seriously neglected and so many people had been in and out cleaning things, that it had lost the homley feeling.
Also because I knew we were clearing out all of my memories from when I was little and no more new ones would be made. We werent simply packing up and moving somewhere else.
If I didnt want to be there, it didnt matter, because they needed to know what was valuble and what should be kept.

But im not looking forward to Friday because after its cleaned, it wont be long before a "For Sale" sign goes up out front.
It'll than be sold and i'll no longer have any reason to go back to Falconer, or to my home.

lithium

Im really not looking forward to tomorrow.
Simply because i have my families seminare.
The topic?
Coping with the death of a parent/child, branched out into coping with the death of a loved one.
Fuck my life? I think so.
I'm not looking forward to it because im worried i might not be able to keep my composure.
Im not saying im gona ball my eyes out but its a possability that durring one of the clips i might tear up, and I really don't want to attract any attention if that were to happen.
At least once it's over, it's over. I won't have to do any more "research" or anything for that topic.
Come 12pm tomorrow, it's done with.

This world will run dry and we'll watch the clock. We'll watch what we'll become.

So like every other person in the world, I left all of my work to the last minute.
But instead of making excuses and bitching about how much I have and/or whinning about not getting it done, im just gona suck it up and get to work.
Im going to try and not get as distracted as possable and pull and all nighter if i have to.
It's 8:16pm, which is better than 12am anyways.

I'm needing you much more...And now everything, is gonna fall apart, I need you here, not just in my heart, This wasn't how it's supposed to be, And now I'm torn with misery, I won't forget you... In loving memory

intro

Today I realized a Hershey's Kiss is a giant chocolate chip. MLIA

holy fuck.
mind blowing..
Besides that person, i hope im not the only one who was amazed by this realization.

pick up your feet

high and dry

I want to do something with my life, actualy make a difference.
I know I won't end world hunger, or poverty but if I can affect one persons life, i'd be content.
If I could affect at least one persons life,but in a big way (at least to them) i'd be happy knowing I made a difference.

once only imagined

i wish i could move on with my life.
i do realize its me whose holding myself back, but its still not as simple as that.
i wish i could be like mostly everyone else, mostly just worried about exams and culminatings.
i hate that i can see people moving on with their lives, so easily.
i have to force myself to go out because i usualy dont see the point, i could be home sleeping, in a world where (nine out my 10 times) im blissfuly blind to the fact that my dad is dead.

sweet dreams

i dont understand why i had to loose my dad. i know he would have died eventualy but 51, regardless of what others say, is too young.
i dont understand how people who really wouldn't care if their mom or dad died, and would only feel sad because there their parent, not because they actualy cared, and yet their parent(s) stay alive for the typical life span of 80-100 years.
and yet, people like me, who are really close with their parent(s), have to loose one or both, years too soon.
i dont find it fair.

undead

All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal

Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on / but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

under the knife

crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how i fall
confusing what is real...(without a sense of confidence and i'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)

I've given up
I'm sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say
Take this all the way
I'm suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong With me

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that ive done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed...Forgetting All the hurt inside You've learned to hide so well
Pretending Someone else can come and save me from myself

Yeah here we go for the hundredth time
Hand grenade pins in every line
Throw 'em up and let something shine...Fuck this hurts I won't lie
Doesn't matter how hard I try
I'll face myself
To cross out what i’ve become
Erase myself

And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed

I am a little bit of loneliness a little bit of disregard...I am a little bit insecure a little unconfident

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again

Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
Takes me one step closer to the edge

And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge...Wish I could find a way to disappear

In the middle of my thoughts
Taken far from my safety
The picture is there
The memory won’t escape me

There was nothing in sight / but memories left abandoned
There was nowhere to hide / the ashes fell like snow

storm to pass

Razor wire
Gift wraps the things we’ve done
Afterthoughts
Of past storms weathered before

i promise you...

Take the Gun,

and count to three
I’m sweating now..
moving slow..
No time to think,
my turn to go..

And You can See
My Heart Beating..
You Can See it through my chest
...
So just pull the trigger

tear the moon from the stars tonight

im getting a bit tired of pretending im okay.
9 out of 10 times i smile, its fake.
10 out of 10 times, its like it hurts.
i know this isnt true but i feel like no one can relate, know one knows what im going through, but again, i know thats not true.
im getting annoyed of peoples fucking attitudes and bitching about stupid shit.
get over it.
i dont know how im going to study for exams and make these last 2 weeks work.
my energy is running low and yet i can stay up all night without feeling like i need to sleep.
my patience is coming to its end and im getting more and more distracted every time i try and do homework and assignments.
i dont care as much about school.
i dont care as much about anything really. i mean obviously i care, but some things just seem pointless.
for some people, it seems like you only asked me how i was, because of wat happend, not that you actualy cared.
if you cared, you wouldnt just talk to me for a few weeks than disappear again (i might be over thinking, or over reacting but this is how i feel)
grief does not go away in a few weeks, or a few months.
im going to be a mess for a while, even if its not noticeable.

your fallen angel swept you off your feet

grad dress shopping.
as much as im looking forward to it, im really not.
im never going to get his opinion on it, i could buy the sluttiest dress and get away with it because he isnt around to say anything.
im not saying i would, but if i wanted to, i could.
nevermind, thats an overstatement of course, as chill as my mom is, she would have an issue with hardcore whore.

russian roulette

I dont think some people realize how many firsts there actualy are.
Theres the first christmas, birthday(mine, his..), easter, thanksgiving, summer, winter, spring ,fall, the one year mark, etc.
What a lot of people dont relaize though is that firsts dont just include major holidays. everyday is a first. Right now its the first january 7th.
It might not sound like a big deal to many people but to me it is.
Everyday is just one more first, another day without him.

ravenous

It's been 41 days

give me a reason to wake up and face the light

Part of my homework is an essay for families.
The essay is on coping with the death of a loved one.
Fuck..
I dont think i've ever written a harder essay.

wires and the concept of breathing

Memory. Facts.
Memory can be altered and facts are truth. But facts are also altered. Information always changes.
What we learn in chemistry isn't the same as it was 20 years ago, not everything. Also, what we put down as facts is also put into our memory, and if memory can be altered, than therefore so can facts.
So whats true than?
How can we base truth on facts?
Im not saying facts or memory is wrong, ( because both are equaly capable of being right and wrong) but to say memory can be altered, than your also saying facts can be to.
Both can be right and both can be wrong.Than again, if facts are wrong, than there not facts, just false information.

black sunday

While waiting at the train station for my friend and her mom to pick me up, I was tempted to just take one of the trains to Quebec, or somewhere farther away than Cavan.
One day im just gona get on a train, travel as far away as possable, in Canada though, and see what happens.
Meet random people and stay somewhere im very unfamiliare with. I'd be completly vulnerable and lonley but thats part of the reason why I want to do it.
Sound weird? Not to me.

a second glance

I want to write on my bedroom wall.
Not with big obnoxious letters, but small print you wouldn't be able to see unless you looked close enough, what with the posters and pictures on my walls.
Something that the person who uses that room next can read.
I want to write memories.
I know it doesn't matter because the walls would be painted before they moved in anyways, but still, doesn't hurt to try.
I'll start before I go to sleep.

Fifteen

So I have my mind set to finish half my homework tonight.. this morning, whichever way you look at it.
Problem is I find it harder to concentrate now than ever before, which makes me want to punch myself for not doing my homework at the begining of the break. I made excuses for myself, that I was busy, or tired. Partialy true but I still had nights that I couldv'e used to complete, little by little, some homework, instead of tv, movies, or reading.
I hate procrastination.

Lullabies for the dormant mind

"..Jim realized that for starlight to be seen from Earth, it had to have travelled trillions of years, which meant that by looking at starlight now, he was looking into time. Time wasn't a black hole- it was light. Gigantic, hummungous, expanding, mind-blowing light. Light that couldn't be contained by seconds or minutes or hours. Time couldn't be contained by the watch on his wrist. Now that he was thinking about time in a big way, it occured to Jim that the watch wasn't much more than a stone-age tool."

-Road to Bliss

use somebody

i can't deal