Back Burner

like i said before
new york city tomorrow,
so this is probably my last post for 5-7daysish
ill see you all in a week
im gona miss alot of people though, well only a few actualy

Bones shatter, never say never

why do we do the things that we do..

why?

-one of the most annoying questions, but also one that can actually get you thinking

ive recently satrted watching that 70's show again.

i use to watch it all the time, like every day with my parents, when i was younger.

now i watch it not just because its amazing but also because it reminds of that time again.

practicly every kid has asked there parents at one point if there getting a divorce right? and then the parents just say no and comfort the child/children..

right now half those kids (probably more) parents, did get a divorce.

thats kinda sad

for the nights i cant remember

This reminded me of an episode of Lizzie Mcguire,

i loved that show.

when two are one

its like deja vu all over again,
only its not just a feeling but an actual action, multiple actions,
a series of them, all building up to that one moment where its finally certain
only i hope the outcome, and the journey to the outcome isnt the same

also, whats going on lately?
like with you.. your feeding yourself and everyone around you bullshit.
dont say one thing then turn around and do the complete opposite.
i dont get you at all.
i have a feeling by summer,
things will be differnet
and not in a good way.

do you know your enemy?

umm, wow

welcome to wherever you are

so im leaving tomorow for new york and honestly, im really not that excited.
im more pumped for the ride there than anything else.
i was more excited to see hollywood undead on mod on thursday,
after the concert i was like"kay wat now?"
then i rememberd new york in like a month, but nothing...
oh well, i know when i have other peoples excitment around me ill get more excited, but as for now, it just feels like a normal sunday afternoon,
with clothes all over my bedroom floor and a dufle bag like thing on my bed.

Bed of razors

so even back during the beginning of the roman empire and egyptian kingdom , they still had their "celebrities" only for them it was the kings, queen, rulers...
before movies, before TV, before any electricity or appliance was even thought to be invented, these civilizations, practically like babies, were doing what we do.
hear about some famous person then talk about them until all is said and done.
only difference is theirs was probably more of a nuisance because it actually affected their lives.

this envy is destroying me and its obvious

so its earth day tomorow apparently..

:)

nothing good has happened yet

honestly,
i love you but you need to stop acting like chicken shit and suck it up and talk to the person you once said you loved.
im tired of doing it for you.
dont tell me how to do it either if you can even talk to him yourself.
you wanted this didnt you?
for months youve been bugging me for his info, now you have it you dont even use it?you still insist to get me to do it for you?
what do you have to loose? nothing really.
your pretty immature actually.
just go whine to your boyfriend and it will all go away. thats what you always do isnt it?
dont try once, have it fail and take that opportunity to come running to me telling me to do it.
"its easier" you say.
how? it taks me just as much "effort" to dial a phone.
your a big girl, you can do it fine. your the adult after all.

Waking the fallen

I've had these songs for a while and have probably listened to them each like 63 times,
but it only hits me now how much i love them

Avenged Sevenfold
-i wont see you tonight part 1&2

And no, I don't give a fuck what you think and say

i knew it was gona happen,
good job, im happy for you, nice going.
i really am but im not gona pretend to be overjoyed, sorry.
i know that this has gone on too long which is why i try not to talk about it, but every time were out, someone asks or brings it up.
im so fucking pathetic, sad and fed up.

Smother another failure, lay this to rest

i guess on a happier note, this weekend wasn't bad.
Saturday night was good.
kinda confused right now though about some things, and one person.
i want peoples opinions but at the same time i don't because they all seem to be the same.
and if it works out, i know ill probably get criticised at, by one person especially.
but i need this, i need a distraction.

Console yourself, you're better alone.Destroy yourself, see who gives a fuck.Absorb yourself, see who gives a fuck.

There was a thing about 2012 on today.
what if thats true?

Ar⋅ma⋅ged⋅don 

1. the place where the final battle will be fought between the forces of good and evil (probably so called in reference to the battlefield of Megiddo. Rev. 16:16).

a⋅poc⋅a⋅lypse

5. any universal or widespread destruction or disaster: the apocalypse of nuclear war.



if it is, then we'll all be dead in 3 years.

The blood's on the wall, so you'd might as well just forget it,And bleach out the stains, commit to forgetting it.

i really want to know what happens after you die.
im not scared of death,
im just incredable curious as to what happens after you die.
i cant seem to accept any theories,
for the main reason being that there only theories.
someone can talk all they want about what happens but truth is youll never know until you die.
i guess this is probably a morbid topic but its something i think about every now and then.
yeah theres heaven, but that exactly is heaven anyways?
and then athiests say nothing happens, you just become part of the eath, just more nutirents for the ground.
but how can that be possible? something must happen.. i just cant accept that nothing happens.
another theory is that your soul just keeps being reborn into another body.
if thats true, then technicly your soul could have easily been alive in the stone age, midevil time, 16th,17th,18th century.which would, in a way, make you thousands of years old.
you could have been alive durring the wars, your could have been a nazi!
your soul anywyas.
i guess that whole past life thing isnt such bullshit afterall.

Here's where we prove all your fairytales wrong

"And Shepherds we shall be
For thee, my Lord, for thee.
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand
Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands.
So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
And teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti."

-Boondock Saints

These streets we travel on will undergo our same lost past

good to know its not just me thinking that.
yeah, so its not like its been months ..
but didnt this happen before too?
at least its good to know you do care.

How to save a life

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Su2NVKayZ8U

i love this video for 3 reasons,
1) its Pokemon
2) i find it amazingly funny
3) it reminds me of Christine<3

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

have fun in new york:):)
i still have about 2 weeks until i go and I'm still not excited, while i have people everywhere counting it down, day for day hour for hour, just waiting.

Like gunshots heard against a silent night

its amazing how just one person can make you feel better, like to the point where you practically forget about everything else.

p.s
track is truly a bitch

so fucking blow those words out the back of your head

stolen from monikas blog:

Have you had a serious relationship this year?

no

Have you had your birthday yet?

no

Been to church?

yeah

Cried yet?

yeah, kinda

Had your heart broken?

no

Did I spend too long bummed out on one person?

i guess..

Drink Starbucks?

only if im with monika, and i cant be botherd to walk to timmies

Went shopping?

yeah

Went Camping?

yeah

Been to the beach?

yeah..

Bought something for over $200?

no

Met someone special?

yeah, very.

Been out of province?

yes

Gone Snowboarding?

fuck yes

What are you thinking?

trying to figure out wat i was just thinking about..

id rather not say.

Hugged someone?

this is a stupid question.

of course i have.

Slept in someone else's bed?

countless times:)

Loaned out money?

is it a loan if they dont pay you back..?

Gotten a car?

i wish

Drove somewhere?

when i was little, like 5, i drove from my babysitters to my house.. which is only a complex away..on my dads lap.. does that count?

Done something you regret?

yeah...

Last Thing you bought?

timmies

Last Person to call you?

my mom

Last time you took a shower?

today

When was the last time you felt stupid?

friday

Who did you last yell at?

iuno..monika.. via msn

or my mom

Last person you kissed?

what kindve kiss..?

What did you do today?

loaft and baked a cake

Natural hair color?

brown

Hair style?

like right now? messy

naturaly? curly..

Eye color?

grey-blue.. kinda depends on lighting

Height?

5'2

Pets?

2 cats, fluffy and zoey

Feeling?

meh,

indescribable

Where would you rather be?

sleeping or somewhere with an amazing view, snowboarding

Last thing you drank?

water, chocolate makes your throat dry

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE:

Have you ever been in love?

no..

Do you believe in love?

yeah, i guess

Why did your BEST relationship fail?

because me along with one of my friends fucked it up

not intentionaly tho

Have you ever been heartbroken?

no..

Have you ever broken someone's heart?

iuno.. doubt it

Have you ever liked someone but never told them?

yeah

Would you ever date one of your exes?

ive only technicly had one.. and hell no,

the other 2 though.. honestly.. possibly

Have you had more than 5 different serious relationships in your life?

no

EMOTIONS:

Are you missing someone right now?

yes, a lot

Are you happy?

...

Are you eating anything?

no, ive eaten to much chocolate today

Do you like someone right now?

unfortunately

im so sick, infected with, where i am, let me live without this, emptiness, slefishness

I really want to be there

And all I ever wanted was so far from what I need

happy easter everyone
happy birthday mom
happy belated john
<3

so dont push me, ive got nothing to loose

so this weekend has been pretty shitty, thursday and saturday were good, hopefully monday too
friday was a bitch& todays pretty boring.
but when i woke up, my dad was making food(honestly, theres really nothing like waking up to the warm sun on your skin and the smell of homecooked food coming from the kitchen) and he had put on the movie secondhand lions,
if you havnt seen it, do. its really good.
not use to not seeing family at easter, its a weird feeling.
a year ago today, i met you.. and now your completly out of my life.sucks
but worst of all, i just found out something that practically brought me to tears.
all i can say is goodluck, you can pull through.
we need you here.
your strong.
yeah this is going to be hard but you can do it.
by next summer i hope to be with you and your family, outside, just talking,
like we did a few years ago.
it sucks your so far away, but maybe just being where you are will help.
after all, B.C is one of the most beautifull places in canada, especialy the area where you live.
youre in my prayers, and also in countless others.
come on, you can pull through, just stay positive

And if this feeling is bad then I don't wanna be right

demonology & heartache

its back and i cant belive no ones around to help.
i need to sleep so everything can go away,
i cant stand this feeling.
peircing my skin with its sharp blade

sidenote,
it really seems like you just dont care anymore

cant kick the habit

theres a lot of times i really wish you all would just shut up and leave me alone
and then i dont know how i would live without you

Four words to choke upon

ive never been so unsure about something in my life.

i wish everything i knew and heard bout you isnt true, that youve changed.

everyones advice is basicaly the same.
and the one person i really want to talk to this about i never see.

dead end countdown

this has to stop soon before i loose complete control.
i said it before but i didnt followed through,
like a new years resolution you forget about the next day.
ive been way to concernd about myself, complaining for nothing.
this next week ill just stay quiet, like i used to.
i have to start listening, like actualy listening and not just nodding my head saying yeah, sure, of course, mhm,
while really thinking of how much i hate/strongly dislike ,whatever/whoever it happens to be at that moment.
cuz honestly, i think ive really missed alot.

Fuck it all

okay so i have this bio project due tomorow
i have to make a photo album on stem cell research and parkinsons disease.
we were given this like 2 weeks ago and like an idiot i delayed it all until yesterday.
my printer ran out of ink so we got a new cartridge, and its to small, so i cant print any pictures, information, and descriptions and shit, and figures she needs it to be printed of course.
i can try talking to her, but its grant, if she could shed tell me to suck it up.
im gona be up majorly late tonight doing this bullshit,
that is if i can get someone to print all this crap out for me.
i wouldnt be nearly as worried if i had bio any other time other than first.
i wish i could just go curl up into a ball and stay there, forever.

i guess its true when things keep buidling up you explode..
one more thing and i swear ill have a nervous break down

Dear God,

R.I.P Aimee, Marc Diab and Bachir Ammar

im sorry to all their friends, family and loved ones,

stay strong.

Their in a better place now,

and God just gained 3 amazing angels.

r.i.p

Nothing to calm the nerve,write down my thoughts and read me my rights

There are only 5 bands, that i know of, in which i can constantly keep listening to their songs and not get sick of them.

Hollywood Undead
Avenged Sevenfold
Billy Talent
In Flames
and Underoath

I fuckin swear that I care,but it's hard when you stare into the bottom of a bottle that is empty and bare

I knew it would end eventualy,
i was told this from the start,
but i guess after a while i thought it wouldnt happen.
it seems to have ended too soon, when in reality, it probably went on longer than it was supposed to.
im not ready yet.
i dont want to have to start all over again.
im gona miss you a lot.
i didnt think youd affect me this much.
what if this new person isnt as good?
thatll suck.
then again.. i could take a break.. i dont have to keep doing this.
but im kinda worried what will happen if i stop.
youre not just some random person in my life.
this is probably too melodramatic or whatever but i really dont care.

Take this for what its worth

Why humans live longer than Dogs

'People are born so that they can learn how to livea good life,like loving everybody all the time and being nice,right?'

'Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.'

- a random story from a random office

Alone in December

i think i was more excited about the concert than i am about new york..

Bring it to your lips and experience the sulfur infect everything that we've created

the devil wears prada, emarosa, a day to remember and sky eats airplane..? concert.
fucking AMAZING!
especialy dwp and adtr<3
so fucking bomb.
seeing as it was my first like..standing..? concert i didnt have anything to compare it to, but honestly,
THEEE best concert ive been to yet.
i already knew what to expect but some it, not at all.
fucking worst and best time of my life.
i miss it, i cant wait to go to the next one..hopefully.
im so glad though to be home, in dry clothes and have taken a shower. ive never loved something so much before, and water.. my love.
i still cant hear well and i can already see the bruises on my skin begin to form, but its soooo fucking worth it.
i wish i didnt have to go to school tomorrow, plus with track after,
im so screwed.
cant wait to sleep, im dreading waking up.
omfg, i feel like ive accomplished something.. :P

heads or tails, real or not

umm heyy?
yeah, iuno, im pretty sure i know what you want but i doubt that it'll ever happen
you had your chance and you blew it.
you stopped talking to me, and never even told me why.
weird coincidence with you two.
oh well, i kinda miss you so i guess we can try and be friends, again..

The Diary

Cuz I don't wanna be like this,
I've been running these streets for too long now, I've got nothing, it's true, but this song now.
But the further I go, I wanna go home.

I fuckin swear that I care,
but it's hard when you stare into the bottom of a bottle that is empty and bare.
Oh my decelate soul, in my decelate home, it's my decelate role, yeah I'm here all alone.
I can't think of a reason to get the fuck out of bed, curtains close, lights are off, am I alive or dead?
I haven't shaved in a week, I always slur when I speak.
Dollar is at it's peak, another fit just to sleep.
Oh whoa it's me, whoa it's me, I guess I need love.
Hoes ya see, Hoes ya see, I'm just in a rud.
And I swear I'm trying, baby please, baby don't leave.
God Damn I'm a fuck up, but I guess that's just me.
So I'll sit in my room and I'll cry in my bed,
thinking about all the shit that made me wrong in my head.
I keep trying to climb but it seems so steep,
pour my self a fuckin whiskey and go back to sleep, bitch.

I watched my momma cry, she says
"baby why", I say "baby die".
Babys' gone, like a suicide.
I don't think you'll see him soon, mom.
stay out my room, mom.
Tell daddy that I hate that motherfucker like you, mom.
I sing this shit for you (?), Sasha and Jordan.
These mirrors keep gettin warmer everytime that I hold em.
I pour this out for you like a partner in crime.
It's part of the times, when your sick in the mind.
Yeah I'm sick, oh so sick, I'm so sick of this shit.
Yeah I'm lit, I'm so lit, I'm so fucked up off it.
So I stumble around, till I stumble, fall down to this puddle of my tears laying here on the ground.When you've got nothing left, you've got nothing left to loose.
With my last and single breath, I'll still be singing to you.
So when you bury me, man, you better bury me deep.
And sing along to this song cuz you're broken like me.

And I wanna go back to the start, back where we started from.
And I know it's been so long.
I was wrong, I was wrong, I was wrong all along.

-Hollywood Undead

i hate that you breathe

its funny how you can tell someone something completly true, serious and they take it as a joke and play along with it instead of acting like they care.
i just told someone something i have never told anyone, and they thought i was joking, thanks.
im getting sick of myself.
as much as i try to fix it i dont think ill ever be happy with it.
no ones around to give me that reasurance. im on the edge, about to loose it.
i think i finaly understand how you feel.

raindrops running through my veins

i know friends make fun of friends, jokingly and such,
but the things you say to me sometimes hurt, i know they shouldn't tho.
because its nothing right? all an overreaction.
once and while, sure.fine.
but its gotten to be almost a daily thing.
i know you care about me and i guess you're intentions are good but still..
if it was a serious problem say so
because I'm annoyed and its gotten me pretty pissed off before.
Just tell me straight up,no jokes,no agressivness.
half the time i dont even notice so how am i supposed to know?
you should know what its like. you're no angel.
also, ive seen much worse by people you dont even bother to tell, and ive kept my mouth shut.
thats all..


btw, devil wears prada on sunday! :0 :)

Of a world too proud to admit our mistakes...

...We're crashing into the ground as all fall from grace

so i was outside from 11 30 until 730.. not that bad and it was nice out, not to sunny, and bit chilly sometimes.. only like 14 degrees..and i got burnt..
fuck im white

The needle, I'll thread it,Radically poetic

today was the first day of track, and wow im really out of shape.
tomorow im doing a workout with christina and alexandra, planned out by webster so im pretty much fucked.
if he says well be tired.. by the end of it ill be on the track possibly passed out
but im looking forward to it, track overall

House of 1000 corpses

is it nerdy to be looking forward to going to the rom on friday?
honestly, i love history. its the only class i actualy pay attention to because i want to, and actualy not minding doing the homework (not including outdoor ed and drama)

careless whisper

i wish i could somehow help you.
you know you can talk to me about anything
it works both ways.
and even though we still talk it kinda feels like were drifting..