maybe, baby, your to pretty for me

m&p
thanks for everything
Friday was definitely worth the mission back home
its so weird how you can look at one thing and just walk behind a few bushes and be in a place that doesn't even seem real.
thank you for listening and it felt good to let out a lot of things.i needed that.
just so you both know, ill always be here for you.
and walking home in the rain was such a highlight, yeah it did suck but it felt refreshing

tears run down my face i cant replace

i just saw a commercial for the 3oh!3 cd
and it reminded me of when i first heard them a few months ago.
i was at Alyssas house with Alister, Rebecca and ,maryanne, while doing a culminating/exam for drama. it brought back memories.
good memories, stressfull but fun:)
we got seriously distracted and started watching youtube videos.i fell in love with them.
and now there being commercialized
omg:o

fuck my life
film festival? good, some videos were really good and others..wtf?
honestly the best parts were just the before and not actually during.
met some new people and chilled with other randoms.
I' got home at 11... I've been at school for fucking 16 hours and I'm so tired.
i have a stupid chem project due tomorrow and i haven't started so ill prob be up till like 1 or 2.
im so glad i finished bio before the festivle and that our history quest got changed to monday other wise id be so pissed right now.
i had to help baby sit LeBlancs almost step kids with Daniela and there cute, but there intense..and loud and kinda rude.. very open minded, but cute.
so i should start doing fucking chem..

love graffiti

Barcelona won!:)

You put this gun to my head

I'm starting to re-consider everything I've been working so hard on,
everything i told myself seems so wasteful now.
when i look in the mirror i feel like I'm lying to everyone.
nothings ever good enough.

lead sails paper anchors

dont you fake it

i have a lot of random songs on my ipod i put on without really listening to
and every so often a song will come up, ill fall in love with it, listen to it over and over again until i get utterly sick of it.
and it just happened like, 3 minutes ago.i love those moments.
waiting- red jumpsuit apparatus

whatever happend to living on the run?

there's only one person i can think of who actually seemed worried about this. who actually genuinely cared and wasn't judgmental. it seems like i cant talk to anyone else about this without them getting totally freaked out, laugh, think that I'm a total dumb ass or the person it's about has some major issues, which maybe they do? but to be honest, I'm too scared to ask.
is this just an over reaction? because i really cant even tell anymore.
i guess i cant blame them but i need some advice, because its getting unbearable and to the point where i don't think i can ever have a sleepover here.
music is and was my only escape, and now that its warm outside, the door is too.

motion sickness love

this jealousy definitely is not helping

Dying Is Your Latest Fashion

just in case, these posts are about 2 completely different people.

you said you'd so something and you didn't, then you deny every promising that, then you try and make it up to me.. which you wont.

today i met up with a friend because they really had to talk. they said that the only person they wanted to talk to was me. I'm really glad that i could help and it felt like our friendship was only made better because of that. it seemed for a while that i was loosing you but thinking back on it now, i seem pretty stupid for ever thinking that could happen. we've been through a lot together and I'm so lucky to have you as a friend, i don't know what id do without you.

Baby, You Wouldn't Last A Minute On The Creek

bio-chem unit is finally done with and now we just have plants and anatomy.
is it nerdy to actually look forward to this anatomy unit?
it sucks that out of all of bio, anatomy is the only thing i possibly need.
also, this plant unit we have to teach to ourselves and the project for it is a pain in the ass and i think I'm gonna fail it

she's a real battleaxe

i feel dizzy for some reason...
on Saturday i felt like such shit.
its weird how you can be having so much fun and at the same time, the smallest comments from a friend can make you feel so horrible.

the voices call out to me

this weekends been pretty good,
i swear when i get older I'm gonna have skin cancer though, the sun fucking hates me.
Friday just chilled with Daniela, Daniel and Juan mostly. watched dimas soccer game and freezed our asses off.
the water festival was a bitch.only a 30 minute lunch and the kids were such a pain in the ass. we'd get like 40 of them at a time, and I've never had to scream so much in my life. not in a bad way, at them, but cuz we had a stupid race we had to cheer them on, and if we didn't cheer, neither would they, not to mention there was so much other stuff going on so we had to scream over that too. the teachers were no help either.
Saturday, dinner with friends and Sunday chilled with Christina
happy belated Christina!<3 i love you so much

whatever happend to one night of fun?

fuck the pain away make it through the day

• finally its changed
  

• i hate that she doesn't even know whats coming. and its not like you can tell her whats gonna happen. as much as i hated some of the things you did,your still sweet. I'm gonna miss you a lot. Bye<3

love, loneliness and nervous laughs

i really don't like Sean Kingston but i have to admit that i love his new song fire burnin

perscription drugs and photographs

this whole week I've been getting home between 630 and 730.
and it figures the week where i actually need to be home early I'm not.
had a chem test. bombed.
bio test...raped my ass.
but water fest tomorrow:)
little kids and water.. fuck my life?

Don't know what you're expecting of me ,Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

so camping trip;
amazing.
we went to rattlesnake point
it felt like so much longer than 2 days, which is good.
the bugs sucked ass but the rest of the trip was fucking amazing.
that break was a must.
the waterfall was insanely cold
the hikes were really nice, the views were so beautiful
caving was definitely worth all the dirt, scares, cuts, and bruises
water fight that just didn't seem to end. obviously better than being stuck in a classroom.
and like shit loads more but to much to write down.

Thursday night was so jokes. some damn good gossip the entire 20 something of us, except one, found out within like 30 minutes.
a few people got pissed out of their minds and i baby sat one of them.we went on a midnight hike with no flashlights.. enough said?
apparently some people thought that we were doing some shit, which didn't happen. I've known this guy for most of my life, 12 years actually, and if it had been reversed, he probably would have just laughed and made fun of me, and maybe potentialy help. but id probably help him all over again. even though i watched out for him most of the night it was still fun. some shit went down that i really wish had been photographed but for your sake, your lucky it didn't. things happened that night that'll never happen when your sober. honestly, it was so funny seeing you wasted. its a side of you i wouldnt expect.
p.s you dont owe me anything

fuck this was a good trip. im gona miss it.

will we always say we tried?

i think its cute and i guess sweet when a guy ,my age, watches some girly movie with their mom, and purely out of their own free will

standing on the rooftops, everybody scream your heart out

is it helpful that we still talk or is it just making it harder?

Feeling so faithless lost under the surface

someone mentioned today if i noticed a change in you.
i said no but after thinking about it, i do.
its got me thinking that, would you even be friends with me if we had just met in high school?
the worst part is i don't think so.

this got me thinking about how it kind of feels like I'm loosing you, even though I'm really not.

Don't know what you're expecting of me, Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

so camping;
it felt like we were there for much more than 2 days, which was good because if it had gone by quickly that would've sucked.
it felt like we were so much further away then what we actually where.
girls vs. guys water fight
caving-bruised cut up and dirtied but definitely worth it
hiking-amazing views
like shit loads more. each with their own stories but way to much to write down

Thursday night, a few people got completely wasted, and i baby sat one of them for most of the night. i guess, apparently, some people thought we were doing some shit, but honestly? that'd just be weird. I've known this guy for most of my life, probably a good 12 years and i never would've thought id be helping him out one drunken night. thing is, i dont think you wouldve done the same for me, prob just laugh and make fun of, even still, id help you again. i have to admit, it was pretty hilarious seeing him so wasted. i cant even describe the night but even though i was watching out for him, it was still fun. things happened that would definitely never happen while your sober which makes it even more rememberable. i really wish some pictures had been taken.
p.s you dont owe me anything

another song for the weekend

this trip has definitely been one of the best days of my life

if i regret all ive done i would be trapped inside that locket

Now I'm of consenting age to be forgetting you in a cabaret.
Somewhere downtown where a burlesque queen may even ask my name
As she sheds her skin on stage
I'm seated and sweating to a dance song on the club's P.A.
The strip joint veteran sits two away
Smirking between dignified sips of his dignified peach and lime daiquiri

And isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety
Oh, isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety

But, but I'm afraid that I
Well, I may have faked it
And I wouldn't be caught dead in this place

give me a reason to wake up

i cant understand how two people who loved each other so much for over 20 years can just stop talking.

your an absolute bitch to him ;no, he doesn't look 70.
he held his tongue, your the one who let shit i should never have know slip.
how much crap did i hear you say about him?
and hardly anything about you came out of his mouth. i understood just by his face.
you moan and whine about him than say some bullshit about how he should act and you try and give me some shit advice about him.
you"love him but couldn't live with him."
fucking bullshit. obviously your love was more similar to a like, if that.
so appreciate ruye or whatever the hell his name is. i know you've said shit to him about us.
no wonder he has such views. thanks.

a place called hell is close to here

i wonder sometimes if your kept that letter.
i feel this emptiness inside of me when i think about what i did two years ago.
it was my choice completely but i know a part of me was pushed to that point in a moment of weakness.
whatever regret i knew i would have or any uncertainty was soon diminished by your certainty and ability to persuade.
sometimes i wish i never had done that. i know it was hard and it probably killed you inside.
i guess she was right. i can really disappoint and hurt people to the point of breaking down.
i remember walking in and seeing you just sitting there.
packing quickly and leaving in a rush with only a few moments for words.
it was way to dramatic and i hate her for making it seem more like a jail break.
a few tears later and i know we probably left you in such a state of solemness.
i think that was the last time you two really talked.
i cant believe i did that to you. i hate her for convincing me it was the right thing to do,which i guess it was on some levels.
the the fashion it was done in however,was inappropriate.
i wouldn't even say you deserved it.
yeah, you made me feel like shit, like you didn't love me, like it didn't even matter what happened to me.
it was your idea in the first place, but not so much an idea as more of an order, a fact.
you probably figured id say never mind then.
but you and no one else could ever comprehend how happy i am to know your okay.
i was more reassured when you were seeing Jeanne but at least having someone is good.
i just want someone to make sure your okay.
because your on your own and honestly, i cant even look at you the same way after what happened.
its such a realization now. your sick. a few missed pills and you'll get fucked up. then what?
Ive had one to many visits from cousins telling me what has happened.
i shouldn't be the one worrying about you.

am i still your charm or am i just bad luck?

Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same
Will it make it easier on you now
You got someone to blame
You say...

One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it's...

Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One...

Have you come here for forgiveness
Have you come to raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other

One...life

One

-u2;one

scream with pleasure, mask your desire

Don't climb for a lifetime only to fall short of infinity
Everything is left.
With faith, some minds are sand;
But i prefer concrete.
This is what is going to separate us from them.
Time for the next chapter
Keep this on your mind.
Keep it within your eyelids

Don't climb for a lifetime only to fall short of infinity,everything is left

camping tomorrow
i cant wait to get away.
even though its only at rattlesnake point,
but honestly, it doesn't even matter.
well be gone from everything for two days.
thank god.
i cant wait.
also, it'll be like a five 5 day weekend.
that's fucking amazing

you never had to work, it was always there.

Dear tomorrow,
Find some sensibility.
Respond to emotion.
Dear politician,
Define sagacity.
One after another, nobody stands behind the ones they have chosen.
One after another, nobody stands behind the ones they've selected.
Nobody stands behind the nation they've selected.
All chances of survival are beginning to diminish.
Comedy is no excuse for our own blasphemies.
Mass media/mass pessimism/mass denial.
My television tells me to panic, but I don't think I'll listen.
The apathetic force us to persevere.
The apathetic, with their backwards priorities.
If only the strongest of stone was not necessary.
One after another, nobody stands behind the ones they have chosen.
One after another, nobody stands behind the ones they've selected.
We could build a monument for memory:
Liberation includes failure.
Your rebellion is resultless,
So be angry at yourself.
If only we did not deserve this.

-the devil wears prada; wapakalypse

time to pretend

i don't like seeing you like this.
whats going on?
you know im there for you,
or does that just not matter...

Is It Progression If A Cannibal Uses A Fork?

the museum of modern art has some pretty weird shit, half of which didn't get photographed.

if only...

Baby, You Wouldn't Last A Minute On The Creek

seriously,
your creepy

claiming to be the kings and queens but it's all of nothing

honestly, who doesn't love bubbles?


i just want those jeans,
and i like this picture.

butterflies and hurricanes

its beginning to be really hard to deal with

your sex is on fire

The water is warm
But it's sending me shivers
A baby is born
Crying out for attention
Memories fade
Like looking through a fogged mirror
Decisions too
Decisions are made
Decisions are made and not bought
But I thought this wouldn't hurt a lot
I guess not

And Their Name Was Treason

kay so im just about dead.
i have a test tomorrow which i have yet to review, but its history, which i love and i get
i said id do chem homework but honestly, ill do it during lunch or on the weekend cuz i have to sleep soon and do bio.
i told myself id do so much work today, which i knew i wouldn't even do, due to multicultural night.
oh well.
wasn't bad. like shit loads of people bought tickets last minute.
i think we raised about 700 something, which all goes to sharelife so good job people.
bit boring sometimes because we had to sell tickets but hung out with people so it was good:)

Louder Than Thunder

love the new devil wears prada CD, omg
thanks for burning me a copy:)(L)

i have friends who la la lie

well, it must be difficult being so gorgeous

i went to open my door to ask my mom something but i only opened it far enough to stick my head out. i kinda miss calculated the distance between the door and my head and completely opened the door right into my face.

anyways,
lately I've been feeling a bit ignored. but that word cant seem to fit exactly how i feel, but at the same time it seems perfect.
lonely i guess would work to.. i don't know.
i just have this feeling, and not a good one, and i only get it, when someone does.. or i guess what they don't do. and it always seems to be a friend.

rest in peace

2 years ago on Friday we lost someone.
its comforting to know that your one of his angels now.
i wish i could have been with my friends who were really close with her.
i miss you and i regret not getting to know you more.
we weren't friends but it still took a while to get use to not seeing your face anymore,even now.
ill never forget you.
rest in peace Daniela Spagnuolo<3

an add on for the post below:

i hate the the things that i say.
im sorry to whoever it hurts or annoys.

hello to you too.
im sorry, honestly i am. but i waited for you just like you waited for me.
why cant you take an apology?
again, im sorry.
im writing this as if you'll actually read it, but you wont.
but maybe somehow you'll just know.
i hurt you and im sorry,
but it hurts me that you think i don't give a shit about you
how can i not?
that your at the bottom of my priority list?
no, your not. of course your not.
and i know you'll just be giving him more ammunition to think im a spoiled, uncaring, selfish brat who only cares about herself.
but who even goes to sleep at 8?
you made it sound like it was 12.
again, im sorry.
you sould have called me,i could have called you,
either way the damage is done and now once again ill go to sleep with regret.
just as long as you know i do love you, and i do care about you,(please stop thinking that i dont) just my actions arent that forward and its something i have to change, i know.

starstrukk

so new york...

first day sucked ass cuz we were on the bus for 10 hours and honestly, i cant sit in a cramped position for that long with only like 3 stops.

new york state is actually pretty.

i thought it'd be less attractive.

when we got to new york we arrived in time square and for whatever reason i thought that all of new york city was bright so when i found out we were actually in time square i got taken by surprise. but to no surprise it was insanely busy.
oh and its so bright that you cant even tell its night time unless you look up and actually see that the sky is black. no wonder no one ever sleeps.
The hotel rooms were really nice. like huge ass TV, pretty high but really comfy beds<3
the rest of the week was amazing.
it felt like we were there for like 3 weeks not 5 days, and i didn't wanna leave.
missiond everywhere, found a new favorite store with the cheapest shit,
new yorkers are actualy kinda rude. but there are nice people.
i love how theres stores for everything.
anne met the main, and by the way had i not left her like 5-10 seconds earlier i could have to.
but im really happy for you because you of all people deserved to meet them, and the look on your face after meeting them was amazing.
bad side, missed homecooked food and timmies. when we got to the boarder comming back, like the first building on the other side was a timmies.
oh how i love canada.
jersey city is the worst ive ever seen. it looked abandoned. honestly, i thought for a few moments it was.
so much more happend but im to tired to think.
nyc, ill miss you.