a place called hell is close to here

i wonder sometimes if your kept that letter.
i feel this emptiness inside of me when i think about what i did two years ago.
it was my choice completely but i know a part of me was pushed to that point in a moment of weakness.
whatever regret i knew i would have or any uncertainty was soon diminished by your certainty and ability to persuade.
sometimes i wish i never had done that. i know it was hard and it probably killed you inside.
i guess she was right. i can really disappoint and hurt people to the point of breaking down.
i remember walking in and seeing you just sitting there.
packing quickly and leaving in a rush with only a few moments for words.
it was way to dramatic and i hate her for making it seem more like a jail break.
a few tears later and i know we probably left you in such a state of solemness.
i think that was the last time you two really talked.
i cant believe i did that to you. i hate her for convincing me it was the right thing to do,which i guess it was on some levels.
the the fashion it was done in however,was inappropriate.
i wouldn't even say you deserved it.
yeah, you made me feel like shit, like you didn't love me, like it didn't even matter what happened to me.
it was your idea in the first place, but not so much an idea as more of an order, a fact.
you probably figured id say never mind then.
but you and no one else could ever comprehend how happy i am to know your okay.
i was more reassured when you were seeing Jeanne but at least having someone is good.
i just want someone to make sure your okay.
because your on your own and honestly, i cant even look at you the same way after what happened.
its such a realization now. your sick. a few missed pills and you'll get fucked up. then what?
Ive had one to many visits from cousins telling me what has happened.
i shouldn't be the one worrying about you.