I'm falling in between tearing up at the seams

I tried to be perfect,
But nothing was worth it,
I don’t believe it makes me real.
I thought it’d be easy,
But no one believes me,
I meant all the things I said.

If you believe it’s in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I’m better off on my own.

This place is so e m p t y,
My thoughts are so t e m p t i n g,
I don’t know how it got so bad.
Sometimes it’s so crazy,
That nothing can save me,
But it’s the only thing that I have.

If you believe it’s in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I’m better off on my own.

I tried to be perfect,
It just wasn't worth it,
Nothing could ever be so wrong.
It’s hard to believe me,
It never gets easy,
I guess I knew that all along.

Dead memories

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=Fpc5vgi9zbM
its amazing
in a sick twisted way..
but you will laugh, guaranteed.
:)

static on the airwaves

lol

nice...

a breathe of sunshine

i blame internet for everything:)

if we didnt have itnernet we wouldnt get half as distracted as we normaly do.

Pull up my sleeves and see the pattern of my cuts

a few things im sure of:
1. i am absolutely terrified of being alone.
2. i dont think things will ever change.
3. 9 out of 10 times i put on a smile its so people wont know how i really feel.
4. being alone with my thoughts is a very bad thing.
5. i cant forget about you.
6. i put too much energy into not giving up.
7. i worry to easily and i over think so many things.
8. everything could go wrong in an instant.
9. no matter how many times i go, im always nervous.
10. you can keep trying for my benefit but if its all a lie dont bother.
11. you can keep trying to make things like they use to be but the truth is it wont be. were broken.accept that.
12. seeing you so vulnerable, in such a state, killed me inside. so please don't make me whiteness that again. i don't want to ever have to make that phone call again.
13. i was asked if i felt like life was worth living, i said yes. what i meant was yes, but only sometimes.

learning to fall

so friday i went to the movies with christina and patti
we saw bride wars
it wasnt bad actualy:P
after we went to montanas and then back to my place for a sleepover
all in all a fun night:)
and everything said that night will NEVER be repeated outside those walls;)
and saturday i basicly slept.. literaly the whole day.. minus like 7 hours which i stayed awake
fucking exams this week:(
and math culm tomorow, ugh!
and i dont know what courses to choose:(

fallen leaves

dedicated to the people who i know will always be around for me
youve been there for practicly mw whole life and i dont know what i would do without you any of you
you were there when my parents split and you were part of the reason i didnt do it
i can always count on you guys for support,love and a shoulder to cry on
youll always be there right beside me doing something incredibly stupid, pointless and a lot of the time, homo
i could say something that totaly doesnt make any sense and somehow youll understand
you know who you are so no need to name names
so heres to you for putting up with me:)
i love you<3

all again for you. we the kings

You were everything that's bad for me
Make no apologies i'm crushed
Black and blue but you know i'd do it all again for you
Today, dressed up in designer drugs
Dedicated to the one i'll always love
The one who really messed me up
I let you take the wheel and the driver's seat
Strapped in so you get the best of me
Now what's left are the memories

you little disease

happier note:
so i was doing some research on canada for my drama exam thing and i got a bit distracted
youtube is ridicoulisly easy to get distracted on, not fair:(
and anyways,i came accross these videos
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xc9Dn1QjMcY&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsHeZb_lFVg&feature=related

lol

knife called lust

theres so many things i wish i could say
but cant becuase ill probably get ridiculed or judged
i look alive but im dead inside
its harder times like these that never change
why does so much shit happen?
not necesarily to me but to to others
most of whom i dont even know, just saying.. theres a lot of pain in the world

standing on the edge

so im not sure how i feel about you right now
not that i have a choice or anything
and if i did i would'nt feel this way
i dont regret meeting you in anyway, you're amazing
but it sucks not knowing exactly wtf is going on in your head

hope will never die

3 years ago it started
a month ago today,4:00pm
thing is
if it hasnt gone away in 3 years, what makes a weekly visit any different?
and its escalated to much more than i would have thought
i dont think anything can save me now from this fate im destined for
running head first at a 100mph