she says i need to take a pill

i can not wait until saturday.
im so stoked to get away, and with two of my besties:)
maybe a new scenery, especialy up north will help, for the time being anyways.

mental repression

oh my god i need to sleep.
im dead and my head is pounding.
not to mention sore throat, fun times.

voices

it really seems like you dont care, i know you do but you have a bad way of showing it

how did it come to this

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PATTI!!!
omg your 17
<3 you could have your g2 by now missy!!
but i should deffinitly not be talking:)
anyways
i lvoe you,
cant belive we've stayed friends for so long.
so much for this bullshit about losing friends once you get to high school:)
you make my life kiddo.
hope u have a good one and ill bee seeing you soon!;)

the dead cant testify

At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes -- all you need is one.
-one tree hill

and the birds dont sing, no they dont make a sound when youre six feet under ground

It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?
- the pursuit of happyness

Scream till there's silence

i saw someone today i haven't seen in over a year.
i wasn't even sure if it was him.
i wish we could have actually talked and not some drive by thing.
oh well, it was good to see you, even though it was only for a few seconds.
you definitely made grade 10 drama more entertaining: )

Oh, I can show if you want to know exactly how to say her name To make her scream and shout, but not from pain

Caught up in this madness too blind to see
Woke animal feelings in me
Took over my sense and I lost control
I'll taste your blood tonight

You know I make you wanna scream
You know I make you wanna run from me baby
but know it's too late you've wasted all your time

Relax while you're closing your eyes to me
So warm as I'm setting you free
With your arms by your side there's no struggling
Pleasure's all mine this time

You know I make you wanna scream
You know I make you wanna run from me baby
but know it's too late you've wasted all your time

Cherishing, those feelings pleasuring
Cover me, unwanted clemency
Scream till there's silence
Scream while there's life left, vanishing
Scream from the pleasure unmask your desire
perishing

We've all had a time where we've lost control
We've all had our time to grow
I'm hoping I'm wrong but I know I'm right
I'll hunt again one night

You know I make you wanna scream
You know I make you wanna run from me baby
but know it's too late you've wasted all your time

Cherishing, those feelings pleasuring
Cover me, unwanted clemency
Scream till there's silence
Scream while there's life left, vanishing
Scream from the pleasure unmask your desire
perishing

Some live repressing their instinctive feelings
Protest the way we're built don't point the blame on me

Scream, Scream, Scream the way you would
if I ravaged your body
Scream, Scream, Scream the way you would if I ravaged
your mind

Cherishing, those feelings pleasuring
Cover me, unwanted clemency
Scream till there's silence
Scream while there's life left, vanishing
Scream from the pleasure unmask your desire
perishing
-Avenged Sevenfold. Scream

With your arms by your side there's no struggling Pleasure's all mine this time

I've been thinking lots about my life and
How quick I'd wash it down the drain
Past tense the future, nothing matters now
I act on my own and I'm to blame
Live in a wicked dream, with angst turned out all wrong
Were all so weak, no matter how strong, yeah

I tried running away from me
Convince me that I've grown, but I can't
She's so unnaturally, Demons they follow me
I quit running away from me
Convinced that I have grown, but found out
All my reasons for obscenity, all a part of me

I don't like that you're calling me a liar
I don't like that you found out I'm a snake
Been sneaking around for far too long now
I don't like how fast my intentions fade
Karma has beat me down, but the worst is yet to come
Many mistakes and still I'm so young, yeah

I tried running away from me
Convince me that I've grown, but I can't
She's so unnaturally, Demons they follow me
I quit running away from me
Convinced that I have grown, but found out
All my reasons for obscenity, all a part of me

I can't
Count how many times
Awakened in fear, nightly
I'm sweating
Dreams
Where promises are made
To no one but myself
Help him
Crushed daily

Don't lend me your hand
I can't trust my self
So how can you trust me

We've all made selfish, bad decisions
We've all tried dishing out the blame
Convinced our selves of our own actions
My problem is I'll never change
In doubt, some good comes out
I'll fold before its time
Can't promise you that its my last time, yeah

I tried running away from me
Convince me that I've grown, but I can't
She's so unnaturally, Demons they follow me
I quit running away from me
Convinced that I have grown, but found out
All my reasons for obscenity, all a part of me

Truth won't help you now
All the loves gone too far(x2)

I'm scarred, yeah
Demons they follow me, 'cause my insanity(x4)
- Avenged Sevenfold.Demons

after party in the hotel lobby, then we off to the room like vroom

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing

because when i look in her eyes, i just see the sky

i think once i get a job I'm gonna save up and travel for a year or so after high school.
I've never even been outside of the continent and i think traveling and seeing different cultures will provide me with more independence and experience. it'll help me grow up.
also i just love seeing and learning about how people live and how different it is from what i know and what I'm use to.
some of the places i wanna go are Ireland, France, Spain, Greece, Austria, Sweden, Egypt, Africa, Italy, Portugal, Serbia.
yeah.. i should've started saving in like grade 9

blame it on tom

so because of my dad I've been really thinking about the future.
universities, careers and what not and honestly I've changed my mind about what i wanna do so many times; as I'm sure everyones done.
so yeah, i think I'm gonna go into something that involves working with children.
my grades are no where near good enough for archeology and I'm not even sure if trying will help, cuz everythings confusing...

hate me

i worry way too much
its ridiculous.

lets make a memory

so I've found some smaller alternatives to do
i just hope they work

diary of jane

omg i wanna see harry potter so badly.
call me a loser but i don't give a shit
i love harry potter:)

four word to choke upon

i was looking for desktop backgrounds last night and i came across these ones. none of them are my background but i really like them.

ashes of the wake

as much of a bitch it was waking up at 730 this morning, I'm glad i did.
but you know wats really lame?
the "gym" in my complex has an age requirement. you can only use it if your 18+.
when i actually care ill use it, see what happens.

descending

i had THE weirdest dream last night
as scary as it was i didn't want it to end, but then i got a txt and i woke up:(

this is who we are

between the future and the past tense
lies the present in the distance
so you think we're never coming back
Scoring points for passion and persistence

between the lines and the highway
lies a dead you in the safety
you never thought this was gonna last
i always knew you'd never take it back
i always knew (i always knew)

i know it seems like we're never coming back
i know it feels like we're never coming
you tried your best and you knew it wouldn't last
these were the words that she placed on her casket

between the sadness and the smile
lies the flicker of the fire
you always said this never hurt you
i always said you were a liar
with the all the towers and the wires
there still lies a little silence
two hearts and one connection
one voice lets emotion out
i always knew (i always knew)

i know it seems like we're never coming back
i know it feels like we're never coming
you tried your best and you knew it wouldn't last
these were the words that she placed on her casket

instead of flowers like words they never mattered
close it up forget about the sadness (close it up forget about the sadness)
he always said she should of stop crying
but he knew at least she was lying down

i'm coming back (i'm coming back)

i know it seems like we're never coming back
i know it feels like we're never coming
you tried your best and you knew it wouldn't last
these were the words that she placed on her casket

Hawthorne Heights

jersey just got colder

so today me and my mom were walking home from mdv town center and a guy passed us wearing a youtube t-shirt.
my mom then turned to me and asked:

"so what's youtube?"

pray for plagues

ever since i was little there's been four things I've always wondered.

1)space; whats beyond what we know?

2) death; for all we know reincarnation could be true. past lives could be possible but we just don't remember them.i just cant comprehend that we become part of the earth when were dead, if you get buried. and heaven?
when i was little i thought it was just on the clouds, and it was our body's still and we just chilled there forever. but now that I'm not so naive, i know that that's probably not the case.

3) words; i know how speech came to be but why? how did sounds turn into words? who made up each individual word to mean its own specific thing? because if you think about it, letters are just noises. words are just multiple noises put together to form something. and why are there so many languages? not saying there shouldn't be but how did so many come to be? its great because it provides countries with more individuality but how did they arise?

4)aliens?; if you think about it,its really ignorant of us to believe that we are the only humans in the whole of space. we haven't even seen all of it so how could we make that judgment? for all we know there's other beings out there saying the same things, that there the only living things.
they could easily be hundreds or thousands of light years away. a distance were not even close to getting to. we don't know how big space is, so we shouldn't just assume things. this also kinda goes with 1. some think if they existed that they'd already have found us because we just assume that there smarter than us. but maybe were smarter than them?

anythings possible. just saying

in a city with a sinner

trust.
if you cant trust someone its really hard to have a relationship with them, whether its friendship or dating.
trust isn't just knowing that they'll keep your secrets but that if you were hanging off a building that that person wouldn't let go.
trust is like a skyscraper, it takes a while to build up.
an earthquake is the betrayal, one or more actions that brings it all crumbling down.

"fool me once,
shame on you.
fool me twice,
shame on me."

because sometimes you cant forgive.

i follow your lies to avoid from getting lost

i need to sleep so bad
3 hours of sleep is not working for me
last night was so much fun. im so glad i went.
at the same time there were A LOT of moments when i felt like such a fucking fifth wheel, i hate it.
i would probably change some things if i could go back and do it again but oh well.
im glad i found that one person to talk to though, iuno what i would have done otherwise.

dont push me, ive got nothing to loose

Most of our lives are a series of images, they pass us by like towns on a highway. But sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens and we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever.

-one tree hill

dont turn your back on me

as much as im looking forward to tomorrow i also don't want it to come.
the reasons being its only one day closer to Thursday, and its probably my last visit

guns for show knives for a pro

i haven't felt this low in a while

the poison

The moments died, I hear no screaming
The visions left inside me are slowly fading
Would she hear me, if I called her name?
Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?

There's always something different going wrong
The path I walk is in the wrong direction
There's always someone f***ing hanging on
Can anybody help me makes things better?

Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall, they crash around me
Her conscious calls, the guilty to come home

This battered room I've seen before
The broken bones they heal no more, no more
With my last breath I'm choking
Will this ever end I'm hoping
My world is over one more time

-bullet for my valentine. tears don't fall

torn apart at the seams

1) this one person i know doesn't really consider anyone else in certain situations.
over reaction and inconsiderate. and I'm the one who looks like the bitch.

2) I'm in a mood to bake/cook

3) another person...i hate that you're becoming annoying.i think your really immature.

fallenleaves

so on Saturday and tonight, i got kinda bored so i drew on my cell with nail polish.
also proves how much i really don't care about it, even though i freak when i cant find it.

what would it take for things to be quiet

The Silence In Black And White

Love

define the great line

i really hope you don't change for the worse.
i get it must be really hard for you, i cant even imagine.
but don't let it get to you.
and do what you feel is right.
good luck, try and have fun, ill miss you,
see you soon (hopefully)

life love & lies

i love you but how did you not notice...
you probably did, but where just to lazy to do it your fucking self, or in the hopes i would.
well fuck it, I'm not here to clean up your mess.

bone palace ballet

consistency vs. inconsistency

while some things should be consistent, others not so much.
personally, In a certain situation like the one right now, id choose inconsistency

id rather be dead then with this bitch

Pick up your pants girl! We're not drunk enough to get it on. I need viagra! Cause you're too ugly to turn me on. I saw your picture. My Myspace has never done me wrong. Until tonight girl. You're not my type girl

I'ma need a little bit more drinks then that. To hook up with a girl that looks like that. Like OMG this bitch is fat! She'll totally squash my skinny ass(haha). So lift me up. Lift me over the bar girl, fill me up. I'ma need a couple more drinks, and some drugs. To make me want to wake up next to this.... What?

She gots me hypnotized! I can tell by the way she licks her lips. That we're going to fuck tonight! OMG I can not live like this. Will someone take my life! Here's a knife, go ahead and slice my wrist. I'm not emo, but I'd rather be dead then with this bitch!!!

Pick up your pants girl! We're not drunk enough to get it on. I need viagra! Cause you're too ugly to turn me on. I saw your picture. My Myspace has never done me wrong. Until tonight girl. You're not my type girl

Jump, Jump, Jump, Jump. I'm jumping out that window girl! Jump, Jump, Jump, Jump. I'm jumping till I can't get up! Jump, Jump, Jump, Jump. I'm jumping out that window girl! Jump, Jump, Jump, Jump. I'm jumping to my death

She gots me hypnotized! I can tell by the way she licks her lips. That we're going to fuck tonight! OMG I can not live like this. Will someone take my life! Here's a knife, go ahead and slice my wrist. I'm not emo, but I'd rather be dead then with this bitch

Pick up your pants girl! We're not drunk enough to get it on. I need viagra! Cause you're too ugly to turn me on. I saw your picture. My Myspace has never done me wrong. Until tonight girl. You're not my type girl

Put some new pictures up. And quit denying your size. It's because of you that emo kids decide to die(x2)...

She gots me hypnotized! I can tell by the way she licks her lips. That we're going to fuck tonight! OMG I can not live like this. Will someone take my life! Here's a knife, go ahead and slice my wrist. I'm not emo, but I'd rather be dead then with this stupid bitch

Pick up your pants girl! We're not drunk enough to get it on. I need viagra! Cause you're too ugly to turn me on. I saw your picture. My Myspace has never done me wrong. Until tonight girl. You're not my type girl
-Brokencyde.blame it on tom

just take another pill

so my mom adopted a cat and were getting him/her on sunday.
hope my mom doesn't put this one up for adoption this time

you already know what you are

i love inflames.
their music is so fucking good

steps of silence

the next 2 days are probably going to be very sleep deprived and tiring

hybrid theory

I'll tell you a secret. Something they don't teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again.

Men are haunted by the vastness of eternity. And so we ask ourselves: will our actions echo across the centuries? Will strangers hear our names long after we are gone, and wonder who we were, how bravely we fought, how fiercely we loved?

anthems of rebellion

under the knife

one of the worst things in the world has to be false hope

revolutions per minute

fractions

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."

-hes just not that into you

voices of violence

i watched mythbusters on Sunday and they were going sky diving and throughout the entire show all i could think of was fuck, i wanna do that

Grabbing what I need. Grip until it bleeds

is it normal to get random days where someone checks out your house to tell you how much its worth?

because in all the years I've lived in my house i don't ever remember someone coming to check out the house.

and is it just coincidence that just last week i think my dad was having some money problems?

i really over think things to much.

This is it I’m falling My wings need to grow I lose my hold I will let go

Jim dates Sarah. hes known Sarah for years and they dated for a long time. Jims daughter Anna thought for sure that they would get married. but then they broke up.
Sarah had become a huge part of Annas life and it was difficult to just forget about her.
Afew months after Jim starts dating Emily. Emilys great and her and Jim deffinitly have a lot more in common then jim and Sarah did.

ita been a few months and Anna finds out that Jim still talks to Sarah, which is fine of course but that he doesnt want Sarah or Emily to find out about eachother.

if a secret has to be kept, for who knows how long, than doesnt that mean that Jim doesnt completly have faith that Emily will be okay with it? or doesnt trust her to except it? and isnt it a little dellusional of Sarah to not expect him to eventualy get a new girfriend? or has she been mislead. told that hes still single. what if Jims lied bout his new relationship?

Standing on the edge Battle in my head I’m dying to know

I've been bothered about a certain situation for a while now (due to some friends constant opinions and observations) and I've doubted it, thought about it, considered it, and in the end i just don't.
i feel like a horrible person.
i cant let this go on any more though.
your thoughts that is.
i don't know how to deal with it.
I'm scarred of the outcome.
what you might do or say.
I'm not sure what to tell you.
the last time I've dealt with a situation like this (if you can consider it dealing with) the outcome sucked.
ill take it day by day i guess, moment by moment. if the opportunity arises ill just come out with it, as nice and considerate to you as possible. but fuck, i don't want you to get hurt, and i guess it is partly my fault but not intentionally in any way.
better sooner than later.
i hope it ends well.

oh its what you do to me

okay so Thursday was fun, but in the end almost not worth it.
a night that was meant for one person to get to know someone else turned into a drunk fest, well 3 out of 5 at least.
not gona lie, at first i was like kay, so much effort just to get some alcohol? honestly?
not like you need to drink or get drunk to have a good time.
but it was fun, some good times and in the end the main reason the night was planned succeeded.
however towards the end of the night..early morning? my main mode of transportation was crawling.
apparently there were a lot of bitch fights, and one person went home crying.
the next morning when we all had our heads cleared, we could at least laugh bout it.
but basically, not having any beer for a while now.