I was a flight risk, with a fear of falling

you know its bad, when im actually mad
goodjob

somewhere only we know

tired

read between the lines

plagues

Well, it must be difficult being so gorgeous.
Well it must be difficult claiming to be the kings and queens
but it's all for nothing

Who says you’re not perfect
Who says you’re not worth it
Who says you’re the only one that’s hurting

who says

if i could re-do that night, i so would

On the streets, where I walked alone

i miss you, why did you have to leave?
i still need you

In front of you're eyes, It falls from the skies

this isn't fair
you were good, you got better, and one fucking fight with your boyfriend makes you drink again? really?
whatever.
but the fact that you did it 3 times this week... wow. so much for stopping eh?
this is bullshit. its fucking sad how every fight we have had in the past few months have been when you were drunk,and worst of all, you don't even remember them. and i have the problem?
what the fuck are you on.
honestly you are a great mom and i will love you forever, but this is fucking bullshit.
you really don't see how this affects me? one of these times I'm recording you and showing you because clearly me telling you doesn't do shit.
i even tried just letting you pass out on thee couch and not bother waking you up, and you still didn't see the fucking problem.
oh and don't bring my dad into this. im fucking mourning him to and i miss him every god damn day but you don't see me pounding back glasses of wine all the fucking time. oh and by the fucking way, i cant believe you told me that shit.
i didn't want to hear it, i didn't ask to hear it and i refuse to believe it.
next time your drunk and trying to tell me shit, I'm blasting my music. i dont care how much you bitch because its not like youll remember anyways.

whats it going to take for you to stop? are you going to have to get sick from alcohol poisoning? is it going to take you hitting me? you should have stopped the moment i told you what youve been saying and how youve been acting, but apparently thats not enough, you need something worse.

2 years in November and i still haven't accepted it

the sixth of june will bring you home

The hardest part of saying goodbye is having to do it again every single day. Every day we face the same truth that life is fleeting that our time here is short...
-One tree hill

from october, 2009

the hardest part of living is just taking breaths to stay

ignoracne is bliss
but is it really?
i mean honestly, yeah in some situations people would be happier if they didn't know the truth
but its also said that the truth will set you free.
i guess its personal preference, but personally i believe in both.
-truth: i know im going to die one day
-ignorance: i don't know when
and i like it that way

everyone knows the question " if you knew you were going to die tomorrow, or next week, or in 6 months, what would you do?" right?
but what i never realised about that question (until i came across this old post) is how the people who love the supposed dieing person feel about knowing that their going to die.
keep that in mind. it i never just about one person

When everything you want is at your fingertips you'll never know what need is

you were never happy until the angels sing

And you're surrounded by the lives of those who found something to hold

never underestimate me

escape

have you ever just layed in bed with your window opened or sat outside without music on and just listenend to what was going on in the world around you?

seasons come and go but i would never change

you said you didnt know what to say
and i dont blame you, i wouldnt know what to either in that situation
but sometimes all you need to do to be there for someone is to sit there silently as you hold their hand

landslide

so much for going to sleep at 3....

one of the best texts i ever got was from someone i did and still do consider a friend but we weren't that close realistically.

it was a little over a year ago. he sent me a text saying things that i had already heard before, but it was because he wasnt obligated to msg me, that i knew it was sincere. for a few minutes in a long time i actually felt happy.

 if you know who you are, thanks. you really helped.

we'll take control ofr the world like its all that we have to hold on to

written in the stars, a million miles away

dont blink, they wont even miss you at all

 

lol

make you regret all the things you said to me

the movie "i spit on your grave"
wow.. talk about taking revenge

writtings on the walls

we're friends and i will always be here for you but if you're going to bitch that much, every single day about the exact same thing, than get rid of the problem. otherwise suck it up and get the fuck over it

and p.s,
i have a lot of patience but its wearing thin for you. why bother asking for my advice and my opinion if you don't even listen?

And the writings on the wall

The great moments of your life won't necessarily be the things you do. They'll also be the things that happen to you. Now, I'm not saying you can't take action to affect the outcome of your life. You have to take action. And you will! But never forget, that on any day, you could step out the front door, and your whole life could change forever. You see the Universe has a plan kids; and that plan is always in motion. A butterfly flaps its wings, and it starts to rain. It's a scary thought, but it's also kind of wonderful. All these little parts of the machine constantly working... Making sure that you end up exactly where you're supposed to be.. exactly when you're supposed to be there. The right place. At the right time.

-himym

This song is every word I left unspoken

heres hoping for the best

how could such a good day end so badly?

this is ridiculous.
you really need a lot of help

please, just stop

Take a breath and rest your jaw

okay seriously?
one thing i hate is when you go back on what you said and turn it around to make me sound like the bad person, and that I'm "putting words in your mouth". fuck you

next, you have no reason to not trust me. I'm always honest, i have no reason not to be, and just because I'm not in the fucking hospital or dead does not mean i drink every other day and built up a bigger tolerance to alcohol than you. what do you want me to say? sorry i don't get drunk off a bottle of beer?

Also, i love how it takes me to get completely fucked out of my mind in order for you to act like a parent. I'm not saying i don't love the freedom you give me, and i know you care, but it is kind of sad sometimes when i see my friends get in shit for stuff that you wouldn't even care or seem to care about. maybe its their parents or maybe its you..but i think the answers obvious. and yes i know most parents wouldn't let their kids do half the shit you let me do, I'm not a fucking dumbass, so you really don't need to remind me all the time. and by the way, thanks for making me sound like a horrible kid to have, like I'm a problem child or something.

your also a fucking hypocrite. if there's one thing you cant get mad at me for, its the amount i drink, unless its everyday, and because I'm underage.
i come home drunk once. you on the other hand Ive seen drunk more times than i can count, and I'm the one you're worried about? I'm the one who might have a problem? what the fuck...

oh and way to make me seem like the mature one in the argument. i ask you not to do something, and instead you do it even more? seriously, how old are you?

and way to go, saying one day ill be alone and no one will be here to help me and get me the "medical attention" i need, as if i need medical attention all the time. That just makes me feel so loved, good to know I'm going to be alone one day. and also saying "one day you wont be here" no fucking shit, of course i know that! my dads dead so clearly I'm well aware that people don't live forever, but to use it against me when you are well aware that i hate when you say that? thanks bitch.

and how about you actually listen to me for once? or take what i say into consideration.
 you are a horrible person to argue with because you refuse to listen to anyone else's views or think maybe for a second that their right and your wrong.

some of the things you say piss me off so much and i cant even fight it because somehow you turn it around to make it sound like an insult, or judgmental, or that I'm "putting words in your mouth".

her: ill take your word for it but I'm just not convinced
me: you don't believe me?
her: i didn't say
me: you just did! the last time i drank was at Ian's wedding.
her: i don't know colleen... I'm just not convinced. I'm at work during the day, you go out late sometimes...
me: so you don't believe me?
her: stop putting words in my mouth!
me: oh my god!


i have never given u any reason to not trust me, so why the hell you think id lie is beyond me.
Just because some people in the family had alcohol problems, doesn't mean I'm going to. I'm not them. if theirs anyone that needs the help with the drinking its you.

I'm sorry i put you through a lot or whatever but you aren't exactly the easiest person to live with either. especially when you're drunk, blasting music at 3am, on a workday. and when i try and tell you shit you say when your like that or the fact that you should go to sleep, you laugh it off, tell me not to worry, or say oh shit that's scary, I'm so sorry. and do it again 3 nights later.
clearly your not sorry if you do it again. but whatever, your life and your liver your screwing up

oh and by the way, I'm a teenager, i can make stupid ass mistakes, its a given. do i do it all the time? no, do i learn from my mistakes? yes. you should know that, being my mom and all. do i regret drinking that much? obviously! i don't like not remembering and being sick, i don't need you telling me you hope i feel like shit and vomit a lot so that  i "learn my lesson".

you make it sound like i do it all the time. when was the last time i was drunk in front of you? never.so tell me what the fuck the problem is.


i hate fighting with you because there's no arguing with you. you always have to be right. and the things you say half the time are fucked. Just because you don't wanna admit that you're in the wrong doesn't give you the right to make me feel bad instead. I know you care, but how about next time you stop acting like a bitch, actually listen to me and "take your own words and actions into consideration."

 parents can seriously be really mean and stupid sometimes

the past should stay dead

fwb
yay or nay?...

i wont cry, it'll be fine

And all my friends don't give a fuck 
they'll tell me that it's just bad luck 

Where to go from here?

1) give me one good reason why i shouldn't worry.
 2) tell me how your trying to protect me by calling me to inform me of something that doesn't even surprise me anymore, which is sad.
3) if you were truly sorry you wouldn't do it again and again.

am i mad? yes
am i disappointed? yes

romance is dead

i never asked

diamonds arent forever

"haha fuck do i have to be honest again?"
-g

and you really wonder why i dont want to date you?

anything can happen in the next half hour

If I'm young and stupid
At least I'm doing it while
I'm young and stupid
And not when its out of style
If I'm going nowhere
At least I'm going when
There isn't nowhere
Nowhere that I should have been

We might fall apart
If we follow our hearts
But in the end you know we'll stay true

If we carry on
If we play along
You can't say we're wrong
You can't say so long
At least we did it our way
And learned the hard way
It's all that these scars say
At least we did it our way

If I'm young and useless
At least I'm doing it how
Only the useless
Can get away with it now
If I'm fucking crazy
I guess that I'm bound to learn
Like only the crazy
Can play with fire and burn

We might fall apart
If we follow our hearts
But in the end you know we'll stay true

If we carry on
If we play along
You can't say we're wrong
You can't say so long
At least we did it our way
And learned the hard way
It's all that these scars say
At least we did it our way

Don't ever make excuses or punch the clock
Cause that's how suckers are made, and your dreams fade
Don't ever hide your bruises or sell your stock
Cause that's how brothers get paid, and men get made

If we carry on
If we play along
You can't say we're wrong
You can't say so long
At least we did it our way
And learned the hard way
It's all that these scars say

9 shades of red

These days everybody wants to find out how the story ends
So we say nothing is a possibility if you don't got your friends
And I know as time goes but where never gonna pretend
Cause you and me will always be friends

So if you're feeling all alone remember good times or remember home
And if you question all that you see remember that you always got a friend in me
Cause I know we all gotta grow

masterpiece theater

Everyone's around, no words are coming now and I can't find my breath can we just say the rest with no sound. 
And I know this isn't enough, I still don't measure up

santa monica

When it's in your spine
like you've walked for miles 
and the only thing you want is just 
to be still for a while

here we go for the hundredth time, hand grenade pins in every line

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvCB0uZgL4k

lyrics are written by a 5 year old
tune isnt that unique
but i do like this song :)


I'll Be Lounging On The Couch, Jus' Chillin In My Snuggie
Click To MTV So They Can Teach Me Howda Dougie

only for the weak

And the rain will kill us all,
Throw ourselves against the wall

this song is called

Wake up, don't cry. Regenerate to deny the truth

Disrespect your surroundings

So here's to another better year,
we've crossed that thin line,
don't try to hold us here,
If for just this once you'd think of us,
I hope you're happy with yourself

If you look close enough to the world around you, you might find someone like you. 
Someone trying to find their way. 
Someone trying to find their self. 
Sometimes it seems like you are the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated; unsatisfied, barely getting by. 
But that feeling's a lie. 
And if you just hold on, just find the coarse to face it all for another day, someone or something will find you and make it all okay.
Because, we all need a little help sometimes. 
We need someone to remind us that it won't always be this way.
That someone is out there. 
And that someone will find you.
 -one tree hill

Let's keep it real, this is no competition to me

 hell yeah i want a pet dragon!

You killed what was left of the good in her

fucking perfect, just great..
thanks buddy. way to screw her up even more.
just dont do it, please
not that youll ever fucking read this

I'm a mess that's the best way to describe it

i wish we were friends, or at least closer
cuz honestly, you're kindve awesome, and kindve amazing

the boys you do, get back at you

 adtr deluxe album...
its like being in love all over again
:)

sticks&bricks

okay its when you do things like that, that make me not want to show that i care

Leave your mirror, and spare your excuse as a self-serving actor

i might be on bar next sunday?
yeeee bitch:)

It's all the same, no face or complexion

id like to know if you actually give a shit, or if I'm just here to amuse and entertain you

until someone better comes back that is...

I can see how the rush, and the heat, and the touch of a stranger gets you going

im done
if you want me, come get me

So was it worth it?

i guess i needed someone to make me feel stupid in order to change that.. thanks?

the shower and that moment when you're lying in bed waiting to fall asleep are the best moments to think about everything

I think I need something new here

havnt you ever wanted to be somewhere different?
somewhere far away.
well seeing as i dont have a car and i cant exaclty get on a train or bus, i guess a walk will have to do

to the moon and back babe

Edgefest this year?
Hopefully!

not quite finished yet

Avenged Sevenfold why do you not come to Canada?

You're breaking my heart

cold wind blows

when did life get so complicated?

go to hell to sell your soul

Dont make me hide them from you again,
because i swear ill do it and this time im not giving them back.

fucking hell

I have never met someone who confuses me more than you do, and who craves so much attention.

Telling me how much little sleep you got and how long a day you worked is fine, especially since i asked why you were tired. Yeah It does really suck you only had 6 hours of sleep and worked for 14.5 hours, but who the fuck repeats that, during a conversation that has NOTHING to do with your tiredness and wasn't even 5 minutes after you mentioned it the first time. What did i not pity your lack of sleep and number of hours you worked enough when you first mentioned it?

By the way, me saying "true" is not because i have a "lack of vocabulary" but because I'm just generally not interested, and what else do you say to "going home soon" besides okay.
And just because I'm younger than you, doesn't mean I'm an idiot. Dumbass

Lastly, just a heads up, but you're a creep. Leave me alone. Take a hint. Please.

you got me on pins and needles

okay, whose the adult here? you may be older, and i have to respect you..well for a number of reasons
but seriously? you're not helping.
And by the way "who pays the bills?" is not a valid argument for anything other than why I shouldn't order movies on rogers.
Honestly, why do parents feel that that is a suitable argument worthy of shutting up their kid(s) and actually makes a point?

collapse

umm.. goodjob

everybody is someone elses secret

I've got another confession to make so complicated
Let me try to explain don't want this feeling to go away

hell to sell

I can show you colors that never existed
Show you I've got substance

Gorgeous Nightmare

There are a few things I should say

Oh, before I make my way

Down the hall and out the door

That we've walked so many times before

When my battery is low and I'm getting cold

I need to recharge, need to kickstart

What's so good about picking up the pieces?

To move on is to grow,
Yet we can barely accomplish either on our own.
We know the way to go,
Yet we follow those with their eyes closed.

if i die you die to

im so glad that im finally out of school but now im bored out of my mind and its only the second day.
 i probably shouldnt complain though considering how i was bitching to get out.
so bring it on boredom:)

waited my whole life for you

Nobody prays for the heartless.
Nobody gives another penny for the selfish.
You're learning how to taste what you kill now.
Don't mind me, I'm just reaching for your necklace.
Talking to my mom about this little girl from Texas

when dreams become nightmares

i miss my dad
im terrified of losing my mom
and i dont feel like i fit in with the rest of my family

take one last breath

this time tomorrow, im gona be in dominican.
God i cant wait:)

shadow of the day

15 more school days until im free
cant wait!