Pull up my sleeves and see the pattern of my cuts

a few things im sure of:
1. i am absolutely terrified of being alone.
2. i dont think things will ever change.
3. 9 out of 10 times i put on a smile its so people wont know how i really feel.
4. being alone with my thoughts is a very bad thing.
5. i cant forget about you.
6. i put too much energy into not giving up.
7. i worry to easily and i over think so many things.
8. everything could go wrong in an instant.
9. no matter how many times i go, im always nervous.
10. you can keep trying for my benefit but if its all a lie dont bother.
11. you can keep trying to make things like they use to be but the truth is it wont be. were broken.accept that.
12. seeing you so vulnerable, in such a state, killed me inside. so please don't make me whiteness that again. i don't want to ever have to make that phone call again.
13. i was asked if i felt like life was worth living, i said yes. what i meant was yes, but only sometimes.